my voice rubbish bin

2009-09-11T01:37:00.002+08:00

BMT is over.
looking back, i really do not know how i survived through.
though i wasnt in some enhanced companies like cougar or jaguar,
not to say ninja.
yes i was in HAWK company.
proud to be there.

three months is not long,
neither is it short.
happy times, sad times.

24km route march is not as simple as thought.
i almost gave up.
tears rolled down my eyes at numerous times.
walking up the long long, neverending slope was really part of the march i wanted to fall out.
tears started to roll when i finished it and i looked at my friend panting heavily, trying to catch his breath.
i looked into him and told him that i really wanna finish this with him.
heart sank when one close mate fell out along the way.
was totally speechless and happy to see him coming back to rejoin us in some time.
tears started to roll again when i saw the end point of the 24km.
tears rolled yet again when my dearest officer looked at me and said this exact line before my parade,
"after this parade, i am no longer your PC".
bonds created. parting hurts.

parting really hurts.
regardless of who it is with.
i'm starting to feel that i do not understand the close ones around me.
they seem so near one moment,
but they seem so far the second later.
is it me who is too fucked up?
or what is it because of?
soon, all will be revealed.
i will take whatever the result shows.
bye to some.
(:

2009-08-27T19:05:00.000+08:00

its been long since i blogged.
many things have happened.
happy times, sad times, tired times.

in the whole month i was away,
nothing much could have happened other than the events that happened in camp.
live firing range completed.
marksman for that.
live hand grenade throw completed.
field camp completed.
did not shower for 6 days for that.
got as dirty as you can think.
situational test completed.
it was worse than any other company could have conducted.
rifle got stunned,
had to pay back by confinement.
missed xiaoyan's birthday meetup for that.
ippt completed.
got silver for it. (:
oh well, missed by 44s to get gold.

today was a tiring day.
was feeling unwell to start the day.
had a 16km route march which really shagged me out to the max.
rushed back to coy line to find out that i was shortlisted for military police interview.
oh well, got rejected cos i insisted that i wanna go into officer's course.
but the most important thing is that,
i get to book out at 3.30pm cos i got off-in-lieu!
shiokness!

nothing much interesting in my life,
days in army are just so routined.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB! (:

2009-07-12T15:30:00.003+08:00

ASK FOR MORE!

had a uber ask for more week for the whole week, practically.
the very common thing we hear everyday is HALF LEFT DOWN.

stupid things that lead to it:
sgt looking at our photos
sgt: your gf ah?
bunkmate: my sister. *grin* no lah, my gf.
sgt: trying to be funny right? down 20!

bunkmate: sir! spencer got things to ask you!
sir: yes, spencer?
me: sir! what is in your field pack? why you can jump with it and it seems so bouncy?
sir: what do you think is in it?
me: i suspect your field pack inside is newspaper!
sir: down 20!

sgt: why is there a paper in this locker?
bunkmate: i think is a love letter for samuel.
sgt: down 20!

sir: since we are waiting and got nothing to do, lets talk cock. but i know you all only interested to know if i got sis to intro, sadly, no!
me: no sis, but got cousin what!
sir: you go and do 8 pull-ups now!

sgt: lets do jumping jacks.
us: HUH!
sgt: okay, you all like to huh right? 20 counts of 4, huh huh huh lampa, jumping jacks!

and many more...............

the worst thing is i think the medic did something funny to my bunkmate and i when we had our jabs,
cos no one feels anything after the jab,
only the 2 of us who played around felt the ache in our arms till now.

guys out there who are still in the civilisation world,
please dont mess with the medic when you are getting your jab.

out of camp, there is nothing much to do.
meetups with the usual people, club with the usual boy.
i guess thats the plan for the next 2 years.
only dear and alvin calls me every week out when i book out.

mentally drained out.
there is a saying that when recruits shave their hair off, no hair, so cannot think like a normal person anymore.
its starting to be true.
HAHA!

hope my dear friends out there are fine. drink more water and strengthen your immune system.
(:

2009-07-05T16:51:00.002+08:00

3 weeks have passed.
at the end of sundays, my mood will start to go low.
taking the long train journey to the other end of mainland,
walking to the end of the bus interchange.
taking out my thermometer to have my body temperature taken,
and up the bus i go...

mood continues to sink deeper when the bus starts moving towards the ferry terminal.
after a while,
the bus comes to a stop,
the doors open,
and off i go.
a brand new week ahead that i have to go through,
forced myself to smile for the new week.

getting in steps to the same old familiar place,
this particular line from one of the songs strike me:
"same old shit again".

i miss the people back in mainland.
on the other hand,
i do not know if they miss me in the first place.
all i can do is,
to protect my country in order to protect my loved ones.
你们就开开心心地生活吧.

2009-06-13T13:30:00.003+08:00

2.5 more days to the temporary suspension of my civilisation days.
yep, for those who didnt know, or those who forgotten,
i am enlisting on the coming tuesday.
and yes, i will be without hair for a long period of time.
within those period of botak-ness,
i will stay at home and rot as much as i can and not leave my house,
this is to make sure those who wants to laugh at my hair wont have a chance to.

life has been pretty unkind to me,
but it was not that evil though.
oh well, for those whom i didnt contact for the whole of last week,
im sorry.

this period really showed me who is by me all these while and who is not.

within that week, i did several things i thought i wouldnt do in my life at all.
first up, mahjong.
i have never understood the game and am really confused by the many different pictures, patterns on the tile.
i never wanted to learn it, hence making me an on-looker when my close ones played.
now, i am in the nursery class of mahjong.
thanks for your patience for those who played with me.

rollerblading was also a no-no to me previously.
well, i have started.
though i still cant go on my own.
and caused dear to fall with me, having scratches on her hand.
im sorry dear.
i will try to rollerblade on my own soon yah.

left4dead was also something i dont think i will play.
it is a game somewhat similar to counter-strike but this time round its shooting down zombies.
had an hour of LAN with pals and i dont mind playing again.

and i said i will blog about this and i will.
miss happy dwarf, wong sweefong is unique!
she washes her handphone screen-protector when it is dusty.
WOW!

and she speaks pretty fast.
one time we were real hungry while waiting for the others,
so we headed to the supermarket to buy things to eat.
saw the biscuits section and we both wanted to eat choc chip cookies.
she turned to me and asked, 你要吃哪一种? 这个比较多cheese.
i stunned, looking at the cookie finding where the cheese came from.
after clarifying, i found out that she meant chips not cheese.

was buying present for a classmate,
went into addidas and was looking for white polo.
found 2 that was the better one.
and the dwarf said A was nicer than B, as B looked very uncle.
then she stopped.
and after a moment, she said:
"but B suits him more leh".
-_-

i know you are very happy with your life now.
i know you may be hating me now for one reason or another.
i dont expect much.
i just hope we can be like before again.
this is all i wish for.

time to enjoy my last weekend before i enlist.
till then, take care pals.
(:

2009-05-18T12:07:00.004+08:00

i have finally graduated.
yes finally!

life's been pretty dull lately,
actually, many events happened,
but none can brighten up my life.

graduation day
graduated with a diploma, a normal one.
was glad that dear and bob attended it.
if not it would have been boring.

looking back at the three years,
i do miss those days.
days at cptc,
playing around doing nothing at all when lessons come.
days when we had sleepless nights rushing fyp.
those were the days.

frankly speaking,
i wasted 3 years, to add on to the other 2 i have wasted.

have been thinking a lot lately.
especially with regards to relationship matters.
conclusion,
classmates are classmates,
ex-classmates are ex-classmates,
colleagues are colleagues.

i will learn to leave the relationship wherever i got them from,
just leave it as where it is.
got to wake up that not everyone can become your friend.
most status are meant to be what it was
no point or meaning in trying to change them.
dont complicate things spencer.
its time to wake up.
i have tried my best,
maybe its time for me to let it go,
after things are done.

2009-05-03T22:20:00.002+08:00

13 june, and i will be gone.

i refuse to take my napfa test,
despite many advices.
i rather enter army early and leave this cruel world.
working hardcorely to earn more cash?
actually those are just excuses.
why do i need so much money for?
work equates no time for other things,
go home damn shag and,
straight to bed.

wouldnt it be nice to just isolate myself with this world?

life has just not been good,
so damn bad.

should i sign on, should i not? screw the pay,
screw the slow promotion,
at least i am away.

2009-04-21T00:19:00.002+08:00

im blogging again, after so long.
well, was busy with work for the past weeks.
promotion ceremony, family day, working at outlet,
tiring, but i dont have a choice.
at least i had fun with the company i have.
*TSK*
went out with miss TSK, mr. chidian etc.
had a tough time being deprived of something,
but we had fun catching those soft toys.
(:

did not sleep for 36 hours and out of that hours without sleep,
19 hours i was working.
had a hard time waking up the next morning having only 8 hours of sleep after such a long time.
ushering millionaires was stressful,
having a hot day at the zoo was tiring.
work work work was all i could say.

its really very heart-warming to know that there are still people out there who appreciates and recognises people's hardwork.
was tipped by a customer today,
for being able to memorise all the countless unavailable items on the menu due to a private function.
its not a big sum of money,
it was just 4 bucks to be exact,
but it was the appreciation that counts.
at least they appreciated.

people always have the misconception that europeans are very friendly and are the superior people in the world.
i do practise favortism towards them too,
but after working in so many industries and seen so much,
i beg to differ.
many are really unfriendly,
but there are still nice souls around.
met one who will really look into your eye with a sincere smile and say "thank you very much" every time you clear her plate or serve her something today.
the couple and this lady really made my day.
cheers! (:

did you lose my number?
or you deleted my number due to the unpleasant things that happened?
i am wondering.

dear was so sweet to wait for me to knock off on sat.
really appreciate it my girl.
i love you.

BOB!
come back soon.
i miss you very much.

so much about work.
finally having a proper off day tmr.
when wed comes, i am back to work till sat.
long long way to the weekend again.
i said weekend cos i only have one day of weekend,
have to work on sats.
what to do?
poor people have to slog their lives to earn a living.
still looking forward to earning my first dollar that belongs to me,
now all that i am working for is not mine.
sadly.

class chalet next week,
hope its a good one.
that will be my last memories of my poly days.

i really have no idea where i am heading after serving my NS.
i got to sit down and think through it thoroughly.
its my future after all.

2009-04-14T01:18:00.002+08:00

everyone around me is unhappy.
so am i.
why is the world facing a happy crisis?

seeing you getting drunk is really hurting.
it used to be me getting drunk like no one's business throwing up,
it hurts to see you in such a state.
just remember that you will always have me,
no matter what happens.
just pour out to me when you are down.

to those happy people out there,
please stay happy.
and those facing a unhappy crisis,
hope you will get back to happiness soon.

bob,
hope you had a great trip.
be back soon.

dear,
all the best for your paper tmr.
you can do it!
(:

i seriously need to stop the alcohol intake into me.
its getting out of hand,
i know it,
but i chose to ignore it.
i will have to bear the consequences in future,
or rather,
im starting to feel it coming.

tmr will be a better day,
i choose to believe.
(:

2009-04-02T16:07:00.002+08:00

work work work. all i can think of is to get a job.
but i am bounded by my ns term that i need to serve pretty soon.
i rather they let me know when i am supposed to enlist,
rather than keeping me in suspense.

Singaporeans are always late.
always!
kindergarten is supposed to be the first place that educate you.
i guess they forgot that they have to teach and practise punctuality.
schools coming late,
blaming us in the end when they dont have time to complete all the stations.
hello, we have a schedule to follow too yah,
its not like you are the only school coming for the event.
if any of you friends out there are working in a pre-school,
please please educate your kids what punctuality is and practise it yourself.
thanks. (:

friends,
please drink lots of water these few days.
the weather is real hot and dont fall sick.
like how i am now.
i swear i almost fainted few days back while working.
but i had to stay firm,
what to do, work and salary is of a higher priority than my health at this point of time.

this is how broke i am.
my account was supposed to be deducted off 2 bucks cos i didnt maintain 500 in my account.
but they only had 1.18 to deduct,
thus now my account is empty,
totally!

2009-04-01T20:30:00.002+08:00

firstly,
HAPPY 21ST AH DAM MEI! (:

kids can be cute, but those young ones are like pillars when you talk to them.
for once, i like an indi*n.
he is damn cute.

really had a good time working with the group of people for the past 8 days.
hope we will have more events to conduct together. (:

surprisingly, i went for '05's chalet.
i would admit that i enjoyed myself.
it was so much better than what i thought it would be.
all were drunk, how not to?
haha.

life's in a mess. get the rainbow out of my rainy days.

2009-03-11T23:21:00.002+08:00

paper aeroplanes.
thats what i was doing for the past 3 days that shagged me out.
oh well, was working in an event organised by science centre.
something to do with paper aeroplanes.
so, i was folding planes for the past 3 days.
got to know some pretty interesting people,
which made my days there pretty memorable and enjoyable.
(:
im sorry that i was unintentionally slanging away during work.
i swear it was unintentional.

saw the singapore book of records.
i was amazed by what singaporeans can think of.
most chocolate bars eaten by a group of people,
most number of people swimming in a pool,
those were real crappy.
but there were interesting ones like the fastest timing to reach the 7th storey,
33 seconds.
honestly, i cant beat that timing but i can hit one that is near that,
if the railings of the stairs can be used to aid you in getting up.
oh well, after all, i was trained by some monsters to become a monster myself in the past.
the creed i will never forget:
time and time again,
new blood enters the XXXX.
and when the time arrives,
the monsters shall XXXXX.

the full creed can/shall not be disclosed,
after all its our creed.

schooling days have temporary been suspended.
i am praying hard.
awaiting the next chapter of my life.
serving the nation.

i do hope that you guys will get into the university and course you have chosen.
all the best in your future endeavors.
(:

2009-03-06T23:09:00.002+08:00

firstly, i need to say, i am not emo. (:

honestly, i do not know what is going on in my life for the past 6 months.

its really been empty and there is nothing that i can remember and put into my memory.

i have lost control of my actions and life.

im sorry for those who are affected by my actions for the past 6 months.

i really have lost control of what i am doing.

have been doing things unknowingly and after it happened,

i would suddenly think back,

wondering why i did those things.

feels like being possessed or something.

this is no joke.

once again, i am really sorry to those who are affected.

i need to start gaining back control of my life. please.

2009-03-04T19:16:00.002+08:00

hello peeps!

i am back, i guess. haha.

exams are all over.

praying hard that i passed all my modules.

really praying hard.

life's been pretty lost for me lately.

well, if you have known me well enough,

i would go straight to work after my last paper.

but this time round,

im jobless.

several factors to consider.

firstly, i do not know if i can pass and graduate.

if, i said IF, i really didnt make the passing mark,

i have to go back to school in april.

the other is that i dont know when i am enlisting.

that makes it difficult for me to find a contract-based job.

and now, i am jobless.

which makes me so lost.

however, i am really glad that i have friends around me whom are really making my life not so lost.

its been so long since i met up with bob.

had a movie with bob and my girl.

okay i admit, i really cant recognise the european guys as they really look alike.

hence, i didnt really catch the show. haha.

tmr will be the annual dinner and dance for my school.

i really dont know what to wear.

the highest possibility is to see me in jeans and my normal shoes.

haha.

any job? intro me yah?! haha.

since i have the time now, i shall meet up with people whom i havent met for so long.

xiao laopo, kong kong, derrick etc.

its been so long since we met up.

2009-02-18T19:43:00.003+08:00

something that really made sense to me, here it goes:

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate.
He is always in a good mood & always has something positive to say.
When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply,
"If I were any better, I would be twins."
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day,
Michael was there telling the employee
how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious,
so one day I went up to Michael and asked him,
"I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today.
You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood.
I choose to be in a good mood.
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim
or...
I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining,
I can choose to accept their complaining or...
I can point out the positive side of life.
I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.
"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices.
when you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice.
You choose how you react to situations.
You choose how people affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.
The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."
I reflected on what Michael said.
Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business.
We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care,
Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw Michael about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied.
"If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied.
"Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices:
I could choose to live or... I could choose to die.
I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine.
But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.
In their eyes, I read "he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael.
"She asked if I was allergic to anything. "Yes, I replied."
The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.
I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live.
Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."
Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors,
but also because of his amazing attitude.
I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.
Attitude, after all, is everything.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

life is full of choices. making wrong choices are inevitable.

but if one tries to influence others to make the wrong choice,

it is an ultimate wrong choice to make.

i shall not say so much on the things that happened.

but i am disappointed in myself,

and you.

life is short and unpredictable.

make full use of your life to do things that will benefit others around you.

dont keep thinking of yourself only.

i will be very happy to see a different you. (:

请不要把你的快乐建立在别人的痛苦上.

2009-02-18T12:54:00.003+08:00

lots of thoughts running through my mind.

maybe the saying is right,

ignorance is bliss.

in certain situation, knowing too much is a disaster.

i should have known from the start.

i hope you will know what you are doing soon,

i still want you to be good.

someone told me that i am too nice a person,

thats why the one that suffers in the end is always me.

i wish you well. (:

2009-02-16T21:52:00.003+08:00

LOST is the only word that can be used to describe how i am feeling right now.

but i deserve it, it was all my fault.

the world in me has ended.

2009-02-16T11:49:00.002+08:00

when things have come to this point, a break off everything is what i really need.

life is just so unpredictable. things can change in any instant. no one knows what will happen in the future, not even the very next moment.

my condolences to the student who left us, though i do not know who you are, i believe that you had a good life, be it outside or in NP. you will be remembered.

trying to crawl out of this pile of shit.

2009-02-08T23:02:00.002+08:00

im utterly disappointed.

maybe you chose not to tell me,

or was it a lie?

it doesnt matter anymore,

you've got your companions,

its time i go.

all the best.

2009-02-07T11:50:00.003+08:00

its been some time since i blogged. was pretty busy/happening these days.

-went to desmond's house for a birthday cum gambling session

-went town to shop

-partyworld-ed with darling and god of pee

-went to CU

-went to god of pee's house to bai nian and was supposed to study for test, which only darling did.

one week, and it is gone.

now its one week nearer to my exams, which makes it only 2 weeks to my papers.

and of course, graduation.

graduation may be a good thing, it may not be.

graduation marks the end of the misery of my classmates having me as a classmate.

everyone told me i have changed.

i do admit that i have indeed changed.

things are not the same again,

ever since then.

some said i am giving up on myself,

i think i just gave up hoping too much in life.

higher hope held, higher amount of disappointment.

the 4 of us are also going to have a different life.

serving our ns term for the 3 of us,

while beng has one more semester of modules to go.

we were talking about the future when i stopped them.

cos im sick and tired of hearing the future, what we will be like next time.

like every other groups, the group may scatter in time to come.

but i will try my very best to keep it together.

hope you guys will do the same.

2 more weeks to go!

now i have got to keep disciplined and focused.

i wanna graduate with that diploma.

2009-01-28T21:43:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! (: HOPE YOU GUYS COLLECTED RED PACKETS TILL YOUR POCKET TOO SMALL TO COLLECT ALL, HOPE YOU GUYS HAD A GOOD TIME MEETING UP WITH YOUR LONG TIME NO SEE RELATIVES AND FRIENDS.

my new year was good so far, i hope. haha. had a great time especially when i went for the annual movie gathering with a awesome group of friends. and this year, our head count increased. could have been more though, but it was good even so.

oh well, this new year is somewhat different. i guess its the different people i am with. (:

you you you! (:

2009-01-23T11:50:00.003+08:00

finally, all the major projects and reports are over. it is all over! (:

what can you get out of sleepless nights and waking up early. all you will get is all kinds of sickness coming to you like they are free flow gifts.
at least thats what i got.

lost my compass. lost my directions. someone help me find my compass back.

was pondering over a statement made:
你有一个不常用的脑
its so true, i have been rather lazy lately. didnt even try to use my brains, though it is not a really great brain.
have been a walking zombie for the last 3 months. i need to get a life.

the lunar new year is back, after rotating a year. hope you guys have been preparing for it, cos its really coming real soon. may all have a great year! (:

all i need in the new year is health and happiness. (:

2009-01-22T19:43:00.003+08:00

things have come to the point. there is nothing i can do anymore and i guess thats all that was meant to be.

the smile from your heart, the look in your eyes, says everything. you are happy with what you have now, and i will be happy for you too. (:

fyp is finally over. all the pains i brought to the people around me, the wrong decisions that were made, all comes to an end today.

i am very happy with the class i have been in for the past 3 years. all the fun, the joy, the sadness, all will come to an end soon. it will all end in a month's time. i have not been a good classmate to all in the past years, i guess the absence of me will be better. i really enjoyed the times since we started off, every moment of it. i hereby wish all of them a good future, be it in their career or studies. goodbye 04.

knowing you is one of the things i will never forget and will put it in the good memories folder in my mind. things were so unexpected. it came fast, but it was gone even faster. i know this end is good for you, no matter what, just be happy. (:

2009-01-18T23:44:00.002+08:00

great meal with great companions and great hosts. thanks bob, and not forgetting your family for hosting the dinner tonight. (:

this week would be a real packed week ahead.
monday- prepare stuff for class outing (if needed)
tuesday- class outing
wednesday- eltech practical and presentation
thursday- FYP presentation
friday- submission of icp-ptech report
saturday- dinner at 50's house with frogman and beng
sunday- spring cleaning

never had such a packed week before. and after this week, its the new year. having a midnight show with the usual group of people on the first day of new year. hope it'll be as good, if not better, as the years go by. (:

i need sleep. havent got back enough sleep to make up for the few days of inadequate rest.

cutting hair has never been such a hassle before. called up monsoon but they had a fully booked appointment day. went to the salon near my place, they were busy till there were many customers waiting for their turn and all of them were dying and doing treatments. called them up for appointment but they said it was fully booked but i can try my luck to squeeze in the queue but no guarantees that i will get my hair cut. last resort was to the old salon i used to patronise.
was not satisfied with the cut i had. but there isnt a choice right. i should be contented with what i have.

the new year is coming! hope things will be smooth and good for everyone! (:

2009-01-17T16:23:00.002+08:00

its finally over. for all the pain that was experienced, its time to say goodbye. (:

i know you dont deserve all these torments. im sorry that you had to go through all these for the good of me. there is only one word to describe how i feel towards you now,
SORRY
if only you didnt bother about my well-being and left me in the lurch from the start, if only you gave up.
if only i can take back time, i would have chosen to be cruel to myself and not allow you to do that.
you did it for my good, but you had to go through all these. im really sorry. i really am.
i really hated myself for being such a burden to you. im sorry. i thought i could do it, but in the end, i couldnt, and you had to take the fall together with me.

when things happen, there is no turning back. i guess i need to be more futurelistic when i make decisions, cos it will affect others too.

i really treasure the people i have now. a short "how are you" or just a "hello" means a lot to me. (:

probably a month more to end it all. and i am going to move on to the next phase of life, maybe it might be better as my qualities are that i am someone who can do practical works but am weak at things like studying. to those who have been through the different stages of education together with me, i treasure and will remember those times. im probably putting all these to an end, and enter the world of reality and cruelity.

dinner tmr at bob's place! missed last year's. i dont wanna miss this year's. so, i got to rush my presentation for monday. but its worth it. (:

2009-01-12T18:27:00.002+08:00

all things came to an end. im glad that you are good. (:

ohh well, went for runs yesterday and today. ran around the park 2 rounds before i ran out of breath yesterday.
well, i have been facing this breathing difficulty problem lately. i wonder why.
today, ran 2.4km in 11:57. its a bad timing, but for someone who was never a long distance runner to start with, its already a consolation.
moreover, i just recovered from my knee injury.
but guess what. my knee hurts badly after the run yet again. darn.
now i really have to take it seriously and get to the bottom of this injury, i dont think its just overexerting my muscles.guess i have to get back to the sports doctor to get another mc. hais, everything is just not going well now.
but i shall choose to take everything that has come to me positively. (:

2009-01-09T00:46:00.002+08:00

i am still addicted to sleeping. i was supposed to wake up at 6 to do some work before heading to school for project meeting, but i slept till 8.30am before i reluctantly crawled out of bed. this is bad. the sleeping virus is in me. how how.

all polys are having their open house during this period. and all thanks to this, most of the lessons are cancelled! thats good, means i can do other stuff with the time given. but then again, fyp is tying me down. darn.

read someone's blog and the content posted is so real, but in any way.....

oh well, i am going to bed. gotta wake up early to get some cash flowing in.

have a good night peeps! (:

outta control

2009-01-07T20:02:00.006+08:00

PLEASE DONT read this if you are going to feel that the emo-ness is back in me yet again mr.hopless. thanks.

everything seemed well for the past 6 days of the new year till.... things got out of control. my actions and thoughts are no longer under my control. it seems like my nerves are numbed and im no longer in control. things are getting out of control. i dont know who i am. i really need time to cool down and gain control over myself again. it feels like i am possessed.

friends will show their true self in time. i have seen enough of it. i choose to believe that people are not the way they are but somehow, im just lying myself and not accepting the fact that those were just not them. im tired of how people around me are. things just seemed so different from what it was.

i swear i almost tear when i open your fcuking condenser intro. i've got nothing to say. im really trying fcuking hard to hold back my tears.

oh well, the emo me is back. but i swear its gonna be gone soon. this i promise you peeps, who are concerned.

happily never after.

2009-01-06T19:21:00.003+08:00

projects are really killing me. okay, i just found out that i have one more project to handle, a project from ELTECH. like what can you do on electrical stuff?! ohh well, dont have a choice do i? if only some kind souls would volunteer to help me out in this project, i would love you for life!

its been long since i last done work seriously. i guess its retribution. for the past years, i have been the sleeping member in the group. but now, i have sleeping members and i have to be one of the people doing the work. what goes around comes around.

am damn disappointed with the papers i got back today. one of which, i was the person teaching my group of friends who hanged out all night to study together, but when the results were out, i was the lowest among the 3 of us, with a on-the-dot passed grade when the rest got Bs. i am just really very disappointed in myself, on the other hand, i am also proud of the 2 chaps who scored pretty well. keep it up dudes! (:

the other was a "i-dont-know-what-to-say" result. oh well, i practically memorised the whole lecture notes like my brain snapped pictures of the notes and stored them in. i could even tell you which position the slide was. oh well, i left real early for that paper as i finished the whole paper real fast. score was alright, but my ranking was in the middle of the cohort. i really dont know what is wrong and what went wrong.

one more paper to receive. my morale is low. i am not expecting much out of the paper.

bob asked me not to be emo over the results, i just am disappointed in myself. starting to doubt my capabilities.

someone told me this: 我没有觉得你是笨的, 只是觉得你不怎么聪明.

2009-01-05T17:57:00.003+08:00

its the fifth day of the new year! (:

ohh well, its IS day. what can i get out of this day? the class was split into groups by ice-cream sticks with the group number on it. fair enough. but my group was totally silent throughout the discussion times given to us, practically only the guy beside me talking a little, and i just gave some comments here and there to his comments. the other 4 in the group were like vases and paintings around the two of us, total silence from them. till on different occasions, the lecturer came over and asked, "hey, this group doing prayers ah? like totally no sound or movements one." oh well, i hope this is the last time i am gonna be with these people.

i'm still thinking of the food i had yesterday. i promise i will bring you peeps there one day. (:

projects are coming to me like a heavy downpour. in a moment, i found out that i have 4 projects that i need to complete in a few weeks and 2 presentations coming in 2 weeks. SOMEBODY, HELP ME! ohh, if you CL cartel people remember kumar, i saw him the other day! i think it was friday. haha. okay, this is random. SOMEBODY, HELP ME!

2 more days of freedom to mr.jared. but then again, it seems more to me like its 2 more days to freedom to him. haha. all the best in BMT. take care of yourself dude! (:

he is one chap whom is so eager to get into army and chiong for the best. he is one chap that deserves my respect, there is hardly anyone trying to do their best in serving ns nowadays. where has all the pride of the young boys gone? ohh well, no more shall be said, cause i know there are lots of people trying to get the easiest job in ns and thinks it is a waste of time. this opinion of mine will be against many boys out there.

mr.jared, you have my respect! (:

2009-01-04T18:15:00.000+08:00

i know it is still there, slowly but surely, it might/hopefully will go. (:
i managed to get a little lesser sleep to kick the habit of sleeping too much. but i dozed off on the bus hitting my head on an uncle's shoulder. damn paiseh can.

just had a great meal with a group of great guys at an awesome place. well, if you wanna have good nepalese and indian food, you must go to the Gurkha Palace Restaurant located at little india. yah, i know some will be thinking i will be making some comments when i am there. but the food there is awesome and the price is real affordable. yummy. shall bring some people there someday for meals. (:
oh well, i admit i did made some comments the last time i went there but not today okay! and, i wanna tell you guys that i can spot a person at a far distance, not that i can see things a mile away, but i can recognise someone from far by the way he or she walks. but then again, my this superpower is a subjective power, it works on selective people. wait, i got to make this clear that the selective i am talking about isnt for me to decide, its real random.

i finally made an effort to do some work. forced myself to do work out of home cause i know i wont be doing anything at home. so, i am in a public library now doing the deadliest project again! oh well, what to do, it is called "project hollowman, hollowlady and the 2 horses working their ass off", if you know what it means. very little time left, so, work our ass off dude!

2009-01-03T21:27:00.003+08:00

on the third of new year, i am stuck in school for 6 and a half hours doing the deadliest project in the 3 years in poly, PED! oh well, what to do, submission of report is about one week from now. and with hollowpeople around, the "rest" got to do more than what one is supposed to be covering.

anyways, on the second day of new year, i was a little shocked by the way my darling, mr.alvin, drives. i thought my brother was bad, but this lovely gentleman got me shocked. haha. was it on purpose so that i wont dare to hitch a ride from you anymore or was it just the wrong feeling you had when you drove us huh darling? haha. 2 hours of meetup with mr.50-dollar-man and mr.ouch-my-leg-hurts was real short, all we did with the time we had was to find a parking lot in town and dine at a fast food restaurant. but nevertheless, it was a great time with you guys. mr.alvin practically parked his car on the parking lot line so near the other car beside his lot just to avoid scratching the BMW on the other side. damn funny. haha. (: you better buck up your driving skills cause I AM STILL GONNA SIT IN YOUR CAR THE NEXT TIME YOU DRIVE, well, i am not afraid of dying in a car accident (choy!) for god knows why. hahahahahaha.

life is gonna be so fastpaced in the coming few weeks. test, report submission, elective presentation, final year project presentation, and exams are near the corner. no more time to waste=no more clubbing/pubbing/bar-ing/playing unneccessarily. but i will still play, who can study 24 hours right?! haha. i guess i will spend more quality time with true friends around more often. (:

i am forcing myself to stay awake till past midnight and get up at around 8am the next morning. this morning was a failure, but i shall forgive myself and look ahead. haha. some things that are left behind are not meant to be picked up again, so i shall let it down and move on looking ahead. (:

2009-01-02T12:33:00.003+08:00

Something I need to get rid of urgently:

MY SLEEPING ADDICTION

Out of the 24 hours in a day, I have been sleeping for approximately 14 hours and only awake for the 10 hours. Wait, isn’t one supposed to have around 8 hours of sleep a day to have a “fresh” mind and healthy life, crap, I am sleeping too much and only awake for the amount of time needed for sleeping.

To add on to the deadly addiction, I have been doing nothing during the 10 hours that I am awake!

I really need to kick this habit!

It’s the second day of the new year, 2009. The new year must have a new and good beginning to start the year off. Hope you guys had a good start, if not, it is never too late, it’s only the second day. (:

Was browsing through the calendar on facebook and I found out that there are already a handful of friends turning 21 this year within the first month of the year. Ohh, anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONATHAN! (: [though I know you don’t read my blog]

Napfa is in 12 days. Crap, I haven’t started training in any form. Wish me strength and power! Haha.

Which makes the final year project report dateline and ICP common test paper nearer with only 13 days left. Now I got to fully utilize the time on my clock.

2009-01-01T16:46:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 2009 TO ALL! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS WONG SWEEFONG!

2008 was not an ideal year for some of the people around me and myself. Some lost their loved ones, while others had new members in their family. Some lost their lovers, while others are enjoying the love their new partner is showering on them. Some gained more freedom, while others lost their freedom serving the nation. Whatever the situation is, 2008 is over, look forward for a great 2009 peeps! (:

2 major phase changes in my life in 2009:
1.Graduate with a diploma from polytechnic (keeping my fingers crossed)
2.Serve NS

Major restructuring will be done in myself in 2009, stay tuned for the new me. (:

2008-12-31T09:40:00.000+08:00

Well, good times for the past 2 days. Hung out with a lovely group of peeps at random places, enjoyed it guys, the 神秘人物mr. 好奇, bob and bob’s laopo. They were not so stunned when I told them I got free tickets to movies, but they were stunned when the very next day, I told them I got more. Haha.

好奇is really darn funny. He bought a drink before the show for the show, a regular sized one. But not long after the show, he went to 7eleven and bought a bigger cup as if we were going for the show then. Burst out laughing.

Pride and glory when serving. Well, I guess that’s pretty important wherever you are serving, be it in your job as a policeman, serving your ns as a soldier or clerk, serving in ministries, do it with pride, honour and glory peeps!

I wanna buy a cardigan. But, this is not the time to be shopping mr. brokeman.

Xmas is over, the new year is here, 2009. No plans for the night as usual, probably spend the night with my to-be-redone report calculations (thanks kel) and wisp. Good way to start the year, maybe I will be more hardworking this year. Haha.

Well, I hereby hope everyone had a good 2008 and wish everyone will have a great 2009 ahead! (:

2008-12-29T21:26:00.001+08:00

I have come to my senses. Some things are just the way they are.

Not everyone is my friend.

Colleagues are colleagues

Managers are managers

Classmates are classmates

Ex-classmates are ex-classmates

Coursemates are coursemates

CCA mates are CCA mates

Churchmates are churchmates

The status stays and they are unconvertible.

No worries, I have come to my senses, I am not emo-ing. (:

I really treasure and cherish those who are true to me.

For the rest, I have no regrets, for I have tried my best to make something out of our friendship. I will/have learn/learnt to put them down.

2008-12-24T09:22:00.006+08:00

作詞：任家萱 ( Selina ) 作曲：周杰倫　編曲：呂紹淳　

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
夢想中屬於我們的婚禮
卻成了單人結婚進行曲
在這場愛情角力的拔河裡
愛我還是愛你你選擇了自己

撒嬌的可愛的黏人的愛哭的照片裡曾經的都是你喜歡的
如今我還在原地你卻走回你的記憶

你說我愛你太多就快要把你淹沒
你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
分開是一種解脫讓你好好的想過
我想要的那片天空你是不是能夠給我

你說我給你太多卻不能給我什麼
分不清激情承諾永恆或迷惑
愛情是一道傷口我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔是因為我太愛你

只剩下鋼琴陪我站在這裡
夢想中屬於我們的婚禮安靜了在我枕邊的夢裡
我知道相愛原本就不容易
愛不是1加1 努力就有結局

撒嬌的可愛的黏人的愛哭的照片裡曾經的都是愛著你的
臉頰的淚還溫熱卻沒有人握我的手

你說我愛你太多就快要把你淹沒
你害怕幸福短暫一秒就崩落
分開是一種解脫讓你好好的想過
我想要的那片天空你是不是能夠給我

你說我給你太多卻不能給我什麼
分不清激情承諾永恆或迷惑
愛情是一道傷口我們各自苦痛
沉默是我最後溫柔是因為我太愛你

A long long walk home, with just this song repeated on my mp3 for the whole 1 hour walk. In deep thoughts of the lyrics and especially those highlighted and in bold.

A call at 17:06 ended it all, which will be the last. I thought I was strong, I thought I will make it through, I even ended the walk with a smile. How I wish things will stay at that moment forever, but it never did. When the sun is up in the morning, the pain and the ache started coming in. I’m praying hard that I will stay strong. GOD, please keep me and hold me.

I was just wondering if the whole lot of people know what they will be counting down to tonight. Counting down to santa’s arrival in town? So what exactly are you guys and ladies out there counting down and excited over? Sometimes I wonder.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, I will be spending my xmas probably alone this year. All my friends have got their loved ones to countdown to xmas, and party their way till dawn. Maybe I might be found alone at some alley lying there real dead puking like merlion will never run out of water. Then again, maybe.

To those whom replied to my sms yesterday, a big thank you, though it will be of no use cos things went wrong. (:

If you are reading this and regretted clicking on it cos its yet another emo post, then I’m sorry. I guess it’s just my life that things always are not right.

MERRY XMAS TO ALL. ENJOY YOURSELVES. (:

对不起, 我无法给你你要的幸福

2008-12-06T09:21:00.005+08:00

things are just not going my way. or rather, things were already not going my way to start with.

i'm really sorry for making you angry. i know its something i owed you and i should have taken the extra step to return it to you. im sorry.

im sorry for unintentionally venting it out on you. i know i should not but when things really went out of hand, i really lost control. i really hope you will understand cause you were also once in my shoes when everyone pointed fingers at you and at that point of time, things are really uncontrollable. i know whatever i say now is meaningless as it wouldnt change anything nor bring back anything. i know you hate me more than anything now.

the hot topic was going on from lecture threatre to SIM, then all the way back to NP bus stop and even when i reached back at SIM bus stop, the topic went on. everyone was pointing fingers at me when it didnt start off with me. its okay, i will take everything, let it be all me.

i've lost 2 friends within 1200s. yes, thats how much a failure i am, just count it in seconds. i hate myself.

all i hope for this xmas is just a significant change in me. i really hate the way i am now. get me back to the person i was 2 3 months ago please.

2008-11-27T19:57:00.002+08:00

the most precious item for the day: my EZ link card!

yes. i dropped my ez link card today. i dont know where till now. haha. freaked out when i found out that it was missing during lecture that i practically ran out of the lecture threatre to the spot where i suspect i dropped my card which happened to be SIM. no sight of it. called up transitlink etc. still no news or sight of it. when i almost wanted to leave school to get a replacement for my card, someone in the group i was in asked me to try going to ngee ann's student centre to see if by chance it is found and someone returned it there.

YES! i got it back! haha. i gave her my student maticulation card so that she can search for my card if there is and a moment later, i saw her hand stretched out with 2 cards! oh my gosh! i was totally happy at that moment!

to the person who picked it up and made the effort to return it back, THANK YOU. YOUR ACTION IS REALLY APPRECIATED. LOVE YOU. (:

went for light workouts today with classmates. my fitness curve is going real downwards. shuttle run got 9.5 and 10.3. worse timing i ever had since 2000. i really need to work out. those were the days where PE is compulsory and we had to run and keep fit is really missed. especially the soccer days with pals in sec 3 in 2002. those were the days. ):

those were the days. cptc. well, i really missed those days in cptc. moments then are really missed. but i know it will never be back. never. i guess the only thing i can do is to keep all those memories and move on. if only the world can stop at that moment. ):

ct is near. i really need to start. soon. yes. nothing more to elaborate on this.

2008-11-21T19:49:00.006+08:00

歌曲:眼泪笑了
歌手:刘力扬

比想象中更痛你真的没回头
我命令眼泪不许失控
回忆不跟你走都挤在我心中
我就有责任让它值得被珍重
谢谢你曾让我难过
谢谢我没有想太多
当爱情左盼右顾的时候

我眼泪都笑了谁还想哭呢
再勇敢的站着找回光和热
面对你的时候我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客因为路有些曲折
是美的

心碎成了沙漠就快开凿绿洲
我没有时间不知所措
你温柔的双手本就不属于我
又何必在乎它以后属于谁呢
谢谢你曾让我难过
谢谢我没有想太多
当爱情左盼右顾的时候

我眼泪都笑了谁还想哭呢
再勇敢的站着找回光和热
面对你的时候我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客因为路有些曲折

你眼泪都笑了谁还会哭呢
来不及完美的就唱首骊歌
想起你的时候我不是卑微的
反而我没有遗憾因为我已爱过你
深深的

-----------------------------------------

歌曲: 爱太痛
歌手: 吴克群

吃不能吃睡不能睡
没有了你全都不对
我都学不会把爱敷衍
用笑容来把眼泪催眠
笑不能笑哭不敢哭
人不像人鬼不像鬼
朋友都说这不过失恋
但我却连呼吸都胆怯
能不能不爱了因为爱太痛了
我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了
能不能不爱了爱情它太痛了
我痛得快死了却无法把爱割舍
我不能睡

-----------------------------------------

have been busy with god knows what, but i was busy. haha. okay, there was something i was busy for one night. yes, i did my FYP for the whole night that i didnt even sleep at all. went for lessons at 8 the next morning without even catching a moment of rest. was shagged out till the last min. i NEVER EVER had a night of rest deprived due to school work. not even my O' days and my promos at college(i didnt even study for it, i was sick during that period).
and yes i did that for PED! at 5, i was already staring at my laptop screen stoning. and my values were all wrong! and i have yet to do the 2nd section. hell lot of work.
for my hard work, though it was last min, i was shot down by my lecturer. cos i used those formulaes but i didnt know the theory behind it. oh well, what to do. life is like that.

i am still as clumsy as before.
yes, i will always knock into something when i walk. edges of stuff like short cupboards, whatever. haha. and i was so clumsy that i was at my top gear when i was heading towards a table when i was at cartel when i was still working there, and my supervisor "braked" right before me, leaving me only less than a second to react. i braked. but physics failed me. half the PLATTER of food went for a fireworks display. it fell on the side and it "drenched" the customer sitting beside the aisle. yes, all the food flew onto her. calamari, prawns, soft shell crab and others. wait, that is not the main thing.

okay, back to my clumsy being. i was about to find something in my plastic file 2 weeks ago and i opened it with much force that the cover edge scratched me on my thigh. no blood, but it was freaking pain. blood only started coming out after some time.
and guess what. the same thing happened today! same position i was sitting, same file. now i got 2 cuts.

the one on the right is the scar i got since 2 weeks ago. the one on the left is the one that will look like the right one in 2 weeks time. it doesnt look serious in the picture, but when i showed my friends on the next day of the first incident, they went "wah, what did you do sia? why cut till like that?"
so much for the clumsy me. haha.

the weeks ahead will be much busier. common test coming up. and i know nuts! i should/might/will/must start.
for all NUS, NTU, SMU friends, all the best for your papers!
NP friends, lets get started if you havent started.
SP friends, i dont know when are your papers but you better start.
eunice low, you better start too!
TP design friends, oh well, shhhh. i know you dont have papers! dont have to keep reminding me! haha.
to all, dont forget to exercise too. your IPPT is coming! haha.
though i will have mine postponed cos i got a 40 day mc due to my knee injury.
in conclusion, ALL THE BEST!

working friends, happy working. any problems with your bosses can come and find me to rant. i will be a good listening ear.
esp you, BOB! =)

okay. i shall end here. haha.

2008-11-14T18:25:00.003+08:00

okay. i failed. i failed to run everyday. i failed my timing for the first run. haha.

if you are wondering why i wanna get so into running, i dont have a choice. haha. my test is in less than 2 weeks time. haha. and if you would have known me well enough, i can sprint, i cant run long distances for nuts.
those days in sec school. run for school in some rubbish event, 100m, 200m,run 200m with intervals(poly 50), ON! wanna represent school in nationals x-country? no way! haha. go there get trashed. i think the champion run backwards also might win me. haha. yeah, so that explains why i NEED to run.

school has been kind of "fun". at least i am doing something in school can?! haha. i did ped for goodness sake! who would think i will please raise up your hand now. see no one did! if you did, thanks for that, but i think you wouldnt want anyone to see you raising up your hand in front of your com screen, they'll laugh their heads off. haha.

okay. i am going to start studying, soon. how soon is the question. if any of the 04 people is reading this, which i highly doubt, please dont say anything. cause i know i have been saying this for the 19834037284983047092382184798213092173903840921 times that i am going to start studying. haha. i......... tried. haha. =)

wisp! so bored....... aerospace... even worse...... but, at least i got companion to get bored together with me. haha.

singapore is getting weird. you can have the hot scorching sun for the morning but in the afternoon, it rains like no one's business. thats singapore. is rain in singapore recently? i thought he is back in korea. okayyyy. NOT FUNNY.

2008-11-11T15:02:00.002+08:00

run run run! i skipped my run yesterday. lazy i would say. so today, i am going to run 3 times 2.4km.i highly doubt i can finish all the 3 sets. trying to hit 11.5 mins each time. the last time i ran was 4 months plus ago? but i will try nevertheless.
心情转个弯.
maybe this is a good way to 转个弯. haha. =)

看见你的笑容, 我相信你以把过去全都忘了
我也没理由再停在那一刻
希望你会更快乐
=)

2008-11-05T21:59:00.002+08:00

从朋友那听说, 下一场雨后, 就会天晴
可是为何这场雨, 几乎不会停的呢
到底会下多久, 它才会停呢
雨后真的会天晴吗
真希望这场雨会把我也带走

2008-11-01T09:50:00.002+08:00

first, i did not receive my medical checkup letter when all my friends received it.
then i went to all the various departments to get things clarified.
then i called up cmpb and they told me it is reflected that i am graduating in oct 2009!
and that is the explanation to why i didnt receive my checkup letter.
then i went to get all the documentations done and faxed it over.
and now, i do receive my checkup LETTER, mind you, its not checkup appointment date letter.
well, it was fixed for me.
and, it is one week from now. when all my friends' dates are next year.
yes, i received the reporting order letter straight away.
and know what?
together with that letter, i received a DEFERMENT FROM FULL-TIME NATIONAL SERVICE letter.
so what is the conclusion?
im puzzled too.

things are getting way out of hand.
i just dont understand why things have to happen all at a go.
all the worse things ALWAYS happen to me at the same time.
maybe going into ns would be a good time to get away from all these problems and isolate myself in there.
since i cannot get into commando or diving unit due to my eye sight, i hope i can get into guards.
so that i can be tortured in there.
hopefully i will be tortured enough to get all those problems out of my mind.
I REALLY NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THIS TROUBLED WORLD.

2008-10-21T18:34:00.002+08:00

after letting my brains rest for almost 4 years, i have no choice but to activate it again now..
year 3 is so hectic..
what's more is an extra module added on top of my normal year 3 timetable..
pros and cons with this packed timetable..
yes, for those who are concerned, i can graduate on time with the normal batch of students..
but, extra effort is needed on catching up with the things missed in the past 2 and a half years..
never have i felt so stressed over school work before..
it's really weighing on me..

i miss those times i had with my gang of friends in the past 2 years..
we would meet up after school to go out for dinner, slack..
have lunch together though i have to walk all the way to the other end of school to meet up with them..
those were the times..
they have gone ahead of me, be it in their next phase of their education journey, serving the nation or into the working society..
i really miss you guys..
now i have to bear with the loneliness for the next 6 months..

if only time machine could bring me away into another era..

2008-10-16T21:39:00.002+08:00

im tired..
this is too much for me to handle..

sorry for being inhuman.. hate me for all you want..

i need a break off all these things.. a long/eternal break would be good..

its either all these problems leave me or i will have to leave all these problems behind for another place..

2008-10-11T11:18:00.002+08:00

cptc has ended..
yes it has.. finally..
many would ask and wanna know how it was..
well, it wasnt a good experience there..
wrong time wrong place..

i scored alright in my first test but passed through my mid term, just above the failure cut-off line in the list..
final term, FAILED.. yes i was in the highlighted section of the list..
i almost broke down..
everything seems to be gone..

so many things happened in just such a short period of time..
EVERYTHING came crashing down..
i shall not elaborate..
just hope things will get better as the days go by..
im screwed..
god, please take me away.. please..

2008-10-01T10:53:00.002+08:00

firstly, i wanna thank those who remembered my birthday..
was happy that some of those whom i didnt expect would remembered..
but there were some whom i wished remembered forgot about it too..
well, guess some self-reflection is needed to be done.. =)

i passed my mid-term exam..
yeah, like so suprisingly..
oh well, shift work starts tmr, and final term is next week..
everyone keeps saying that place is fun..
well, not so for me and many others.. i became a better/worse person there..
overall, nothing good there for me to remember except some..

life's screwed..
some time back, i keep having a phrase in me..
last night, i really thought of what i said and yeah.. i guess i know the answer..
what if i die today?
will you be sad?
will you miss me?
will you cry over my death?
will you come to my funeral?
now i know..

then again, life's screwed..
things come just when you are unexpecting it to come..
life will never be enjoyable till you found what you want in life..
so, for now, i'm screwed..

2008-09-10T22:41:00.000+08:00

sorry for the long lost update again.. haha..
yeah, attachment is over! finally, and waiting for results which is to be released on monday..
well, this time round would be of a different feeling cos everything is on ONE alphabet..
yes, ONE alphabet will say it all, be it what GPA i will get or what results i will get..
monday! stressed but cant do anything so, relax first lor! haha..

i am back into the chemical industry but this time round is in jurong island..
some training programme which i can never explain to my friends what it is too..
haha.. summary, its a waste of time cos it is supposed to be attended before my attachment but i had my attachment before i went for this training thing..
so.. whats the point?

i was freaked out again when i didnt prepare for my test today..
well, then the phrase came into my mind again..
fail to prepare, prepare to fail..
this really freaked me out..
mcq was horrible..
like drawing 4D paper, all ticum..

4 more weeks..
and one day lies on a special day.. suay right? hais..

2008-07-04T19:12:00.000+08:00

Well, it’s been pretty long since I updated..
There is nothing much I can blog about but about work and life right? Haha..

Work is finally coming to an end in 6 weeks!
Yes, one and a half months if you would count it that way..
I really cant wait for that day to come, Aug 15..
Off I will go and I don’t think I will turn back..
If you are close enough to me, you would have sensed what kind of feelings I am having..
Some places that you are working or living in will get you to turn back to look at it after some time but some wont..
Working has been getting worse by the week and the urge to get an A for this semester is dying down to probably dead now..
All I want is to get it over and done with and get out of there..
For those who know me, they would have known that I can be a real good worker if I think it is worth it..
If I don’t think it is worth my contribution, they will get the worse of me..

Life recently has been more of a routine..
Go to work, weekends spent with my girl..
Only a Saturday was with my old classmates whom I haven’t seen for a real long time..
Really enjoyed it guys! Hope we will meet up more often rather than after 3 years!! Haha..

Much thoughts ran through my mind recently..
This morning was listening to the radio and they were talking about friends and the different categories of friends..
And some consoling words when you meet different group of friends..

Anyways, the Great Singapore Sales..
So tempting to get stuff..
But all I got was a tee with I really loved it..
And I am going to get a wallet which will cost me quite a bit considering me being a lowly paid intern now..
People, if you have cash and do not know what is the most productive way to spend it, please, I urge you to contribute to the Spencer Needy Fund..
For $2, $5 and $10 contributions, please call me at my cellphone..
For $50 contributions and above, please call me till I pick up regardless of what time you are calling.. Your contribution regardless of the amount is deeply appreciated..

2008-06-07T13:21:00.001+08:00

Weather has been rather weird these days..
For the past few days, it has been raining with the bright sun still out and today it is raining like no tomorrow!
So please sleep more on rainy days and drink more water on sunny days people! =)

Oh well, work’s been up and down recently too..
There incidences where I can play with my colleagues but there are unhappy moments too..
Yesterday was one of the days when I was totally disgusted by them..
Chemicals came in and I needed the forklift but there was a pipe obstructing the way..
Asked him to shift the pipe so that we can drive the forklift out to unload the goods..
The answer I got was asking me to ask the delivery man to wait cos we need to do this pipe flush now as it is more important.. And I thought it was reasonable but you got to let him know how long he have to wait also right? And 10mins was the reply..
In my heart, I was thinking, 10mins is a lot of time lor..
You think people only got to deliver to us only meh? One day only cater to us only meh?
Two words..
SELFISH THINKING..

When the other worker was carrying some wooden pallets, my boss came up to me and told me, “eh, go and help ah heng lah!”
And when I was carrying 2 pails trying real hard to balance down the 1m ladder, everyone just walked away.. You guys think I am an acrobat from the circus huh, can walk down the ladder and balance super zai meh?

Then I was asked to take out 5L of oil from the plastic tank..
Fair enough..
I went to take a 1.5L bottle to scoop out the oil but it was taken away from me..
And I was given a 0.5L bottle..
I really damn pissed already lah!
You are just trying to make my life difficult is it?

People always think of themselves and not think of how others will feel..
I admit that at times I am like that too, but at least I would also consider their feelings and not ask them to do such stupid things..

After one whole week of work, Fridays are always the day I look forward to but it is also the day when my mind will go totally blank..
I will walk but in my mind, there is nothing and as I am walking, my mind is totally blank..
I can listen to songs and when the song almost end, I will just go “ehh, I was listening to this song for the past few minutes ah?”
Really need a good break..

2008-05-27T23:05:00.001+08:00

Finally, first report handed in!
And I finally heard from my liason officer after so long..
3 months, which means the last time we met or talked about anything is right before my attachment started..
How long more can she not contact us? =x
By the way, she contacted me cos I wrote the following in my mail when I submitted my report,
“Kindly reply if you have received it so as to ensure that my mail is successful.”
I wonder if she will contact me if I didn’t write that.. Haha..
In any way, I AM DONE WITH MY INTERIM REPORT!! =)

Final report to go..
This time round I have to come out with 2.5 times the amount of words I wrote, which is 5000 words!
I wonder how I will survive..
But I can! Haha..

Life’s changed for a good (I hope) for work..
Starting to get a little bit of recognition from colleagues..
I really hope to score a little better for my internship..
The last 2 semester really means a lot to me..
Whether I can make it into varsity.. =S

Starting to feel a little old for where I am at now..
Thinking and looking around, people of my age in their 2nd year of varsity for the females, and the males being in army, about to ORD soon or ORD-ed waiting to start their varsity days..
Thinking of it makes me sad, but life is always like that..
Things will not happen the way you want it to be..
You got to work for it.. =)

2 and half months to go! =)

2008-05-17T21:54:00.001+08:00

After a week of hectic working, rewards for myself!
Soccer, though only for an hour, at the futsal court at east coast park!
I swear, it’s been 4 years ever since I played soccer..
And due to some reasons which I will reveal later, I got down at almost only 5 mins..
But fun though, even though I almost couldn’t take it at times during the game..
I need to play more to buck up..

As mentioned before, I am not in a proper health status now..
Got a knock on my forehead on Thursday by a metal piece..
I was rushing to the washroom and when you are rushing, especially to the washroom, you will literally rush, be it run or walk..
And those who worked with me before will know my speed of walking..
And wala!
I knocked into the metal beam and I can hear the vibration on the metal beam..
I literally squatted down and almost tear..
Thereafter, the consequences of my careless action is to bear with the massive pain on my head till now..
But nevertheless, on the other hand, the reward was a good tanning/burning session.. =)

The final reward is
OFF DAY ON MONDAY! Happy Vesak Day! =)

2008-05-10T12:41:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the fewer and fewer updates as the weeks go by..
Getting busier and busier as the weeks go by for internship..

Well, if anyone wanna know why I am so tired..
My week was:
Climbing up the 6m reactors everyday more than 5 times everyday, swinging from one reactor to another when I need to check something..
Had transfer about 600L of oil MANUALLY with the help if pails from the room to the tank outside under the hot sun and I had to get to the top of the 1m plus before I can pour in the oil..
Reactor overflowed, had to clean up the place with newspaper and rags..
Got my head knocked onto the overhead pump and pipes when I stood up so many times till my colleague goes “again!” when I knock onto it again.. Yes, almost 8 times a day..
There is more to it than all this..
All the fatigue accumulated till the end of the week to a point whereby I didn’t even know where I was and my whole mind is blank..
Body aching like no one’s business..
Everyday my perspiration is so much till I need more than 2L of water to replenish it..
Oh well, 3 more months to go..

I am really physically tired..

2008-04-26T17:48:00.000+08:00

So much has happened in such a short time..
Change of working environment, changes in lives of people around..
Live is so unpredictable..
Things can happen anytime, to anyone, at anywhere, in any way..
Nothing is forever..

I am really touched to see how a family can unite, though it is only at the last moments..
Parting is always the last thing anyone will want to have with their loved ones..
Treasure those around you, for life is very unpredictable..

Everyone around me is getting on very well with their lives, new lives..
I’m really happy for them..
Some still remembers my presence, while some don’t..
Either or, they are being treasured and remembered by me.. =)

Work is getting busier and busier, not to forget, more and more tiring..
Good experience though, but pimples are appearing like no one’s business due to the dirtier working environment I am in..

2008-03-21T11:42:00.003+08:00

Hello peeps! Sorry for the long lost update..

Yeps, currently having attachment..
Oh well, pretty near my place but it’s an oily environment..
What else can you expect from a place experimenting on oil stuff yeah.. Haha..
First week I was telling myself.. Positive thinking positive thinking..
But at week 2, I was dead already.. Haha.. As usual.. =X

Last Friday, my supervisor suddenly asked me to measure the height of the ceiling in the workplace and tell him today, using my own means to get it done..
Well, got it done.. But my colleague, his brother by blood, told me that he always ask people to measure it for nothing de lah.. =X

Today, he asked me to dismantle the pipe and get the packings out.. Well, not a tough job at first glance..
Then I found out that it was stinky..
Not that bad yet.. Till I overturned the pipe and WOO, the water started to flow out.. I swear it was like a rotten corpse hidden in it for a year or something!!
I almost vomited.. Luckily I didn’t eat anything in the morning if not it would have came out from my throat..
Yes, it is that bad! =X and he said he didnt want it anymore after I did all these.. Hais..

Then I had to deal with shit.. Practically shit from nation waste.. Please don’t shit too much, spare a thought for me.. I finished doing 4L of it.. And he is off with 2 huge pails to bring back more.. I am going to be so dead after the 3 days holidays.. Wearing gloves didn’t help at all as the smell is too strong for it.. Hais..
He was like,
He: You studying chemical engineering right? There, chemical mah.. Related to your course..
Me: Err no, this is environmental engineering not chemical lor..

Starting to get sick and tired of this attachment thing.. =X
But got to go on to pull up my gpa using this attachment semester..
Hope I will pull through..

My mobile crashed on me.. Of all times! When I am so broke and poor..
I swear! Things are never going my way..
I remembered times when I had cash on hand and walked into AX wanting to get a belt, but I couldn’t find any nice ones..
But when I am broke, all the nice designs were released..
Is it that coincidental? =(
No money to get a new phone so just got to sell off my phone to pay off my almost cut off line and wait till I got money to get a new phone..

I am glad that you have sorted things out..
You will be happier that way, trust me.. =)

New beginning!! =)

2008-02-18T16:18:00.000+08:00

I’m always forced to make decisions..
Actually, life is all about making decisions..
Making the right decision doesn’t mean your life will turn for the better from that point onwards..
It came to a point whereby numbed is the only way I can describe the situation..
All I want is for those around me to be happy.. Be it whatever decision I make..
I didn’t say it out
but no one ever tried being in my position to understand what I am in..

Please revive my heart and stop it from further bleeding..

2008-02-18T11:33:00.001+08:00

Hello! Hope you guys had a wonderful lunar new year.. =)

Well, this new year is a mugging period for me..
To all Ngee Ann students, hang on there yeah.. You are almost there.. Look ahead, the finishing line is just hours away..
Exams exams exams.. I always do last minute mugging.. Haha..
4 more papers to go.. Free after Friday!
Then got to head to the working world for attachment just one week after exams.. Sad right?

Alright, nothing much to blog about.. Drink more water dudes, weather’s been naughty recently..
All the best to those having papers.. =)

2008-02-11T20:26:00.001+08:00

Yet again, I am at the same old situation that I was in for the 4rd time..
One week before exams and I am so so stressed up..
And when the new sem comes, I will tell everyone in the world the same old line..
Yah and every sem, everyone who hears what I say will give me the same old 3 words,
“F*&@ you lah”..
Oh well, I am used to it..

3 more days to my paper..
How I wished I have more time..
Time is not in my hands..
I wonder how I will fare this sem..
But I really quite heck care already.. This is a negative sign..

CNY.. =)
No pictures taken so far..

I want a PSP.. Hooked onto WE’08.. Haha..
Oh well, I got to go back and focus on my books..

Wish me luck.. =)

2008-02-02T16:44:00.000+08:00

I thought I would have a better year when the new year came, but it proved me wrong.
Now I am hoping the lunar new year will be another time I can have a new year.
If not, I don’t even think I will reach 21.
Please give me a new lease of life so that I can carry on with life.

SBS, please change your lighting boards in front of the bus. The new buses have the lighted boards which is digital kind and can change, showing the main roads they will go pass. One day I was wanting to take the bus and the bus was some distance away from me but I dont know whether i should flag for it cos it is written there at the top front of the bus "新年快乐".
NB lah how to flag for it? I wanna take my bus you flash 新年快乐 how i going to flag? And that 4 words will stay there for a long time before it changes.
If I open a bus company i will put the words 红包拿来 instead so that all my bus drivers got ang bao from commuters. NB.

I should start to listen to english songs. Chinese songs’ lyrics always spells out my troubles and feelings making me feel sad after that. Fcuk off chinese songs!

I feel like a monster right now. I shall recite my passport creed.
Time and time again
New blood enters the game
And when the time arrives
The monsters shall arise

I miss my brothers. I miss those times we got fcuked together, and thereafter, we merely did what the song says:
“like those who have gone before us” and do it to the juniors. Muhahaha.

My life, I will live it MY WAY.

Just what's wrong with Singaporean's math nowadays?

2008-02-02T11:41:00.000+08:00

This might be the last or last few post before I officially let my laptop have a rest while I concentrate on my papers.

I can’t believe what I am turning into. Thinking back on the week that has past, I really think I am such a different person from what I should be.
I got my retribution, I was and am still sick.
Decided to finish it up and get it off me and I got my retribution.
Got a very bad headache and flu and sore throat.
I practically walked out of the lecture threatre and fell flat on the benches outside.
Second time in my ngee ann life so far.
Anyway I always got ugly sides of me in school one.
Remember twice I ran 2.4 plus 2 rounds of warm up and after my PE lessons, I was lying on the floor in the canteen having severe cramps and needed help from my friend and other seniors coming to help me.
Imagine how pai seh I was then lah! Oh well, those were the jc days.
Those airborne songs that motivated me to run faster and faster, but got the effect after that of cos.
This week has been a bad week.
I was totally like a hooligan in school.
Math lecture.
Teacher: ehh, why you sit in front today?
Me: why cannot meh? Then I go behind sit lor!
Teacher: no lah. Can sit in front lah.
Me: don’t want lei! I go sit behind! Don’t want sit in front anymore already lah.
*took my bag and went to the back to sit*

The lecturer got stunned and so were the others.
Oh well, that will never happen again. Cos I am not going for her lessons next week.

So many test, retest, presentations and assignments due by tues.

SP students, congrats. You have finished your tertiary education.
Ngee Ann students, hang on. You are almost there!
Year 2 students like me having a high possibility of failing another 3 more modules when you are turning 21 this year, please stop wasting your parents money and go NS asap, don’t be a failure like me. Haha.

2008-01-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I just can’t help but wonder why am I in such a state..
I am NOT being emo or whatever shit lah.. If you don’t wish to read then just click the pathetic “X” button on your IE page that is in red which means you should click on it asap..

Can’t I just be myself? Why must I try to fit into the surrounding when I should be living for myself? I really hate to find out things, I really do..
Cos every time I do, it won’t be anything good..
Fcuk it man..

2008-01-24T22:03:00.001+08:00

People who do not do well will always face such stress when the time comes..

People choose companies they want to go to for attachment, though I was also given a form to choose, I think I don’t have much of a choice..
The emo feeling is back in me for this moment.. I don’t want it too, but I am really very emo and stressed..
At times like that, I really wish I can just turn to someone who will be there for me.. =(
Jurong island? Job scope? Location? Pay allowance?
I really don’t know what should be the priority in choosing my company..

Nestle? I am not going to deal with the Iced Peach Tea powder that cartel uses.. Neither will I be dealing with milo powder and experiment how to make a better milo dinosaur.. I will be dealing with soy sauce! And it is a hot company, I doubt I will get it..

Tate & Lyle Singapore Pte Ltd? Best paying.. 660.. But I will also not be able to fight with the whole cohort who is doing better than me..

Intertek Testing Services? Required to work shifts.. 8am-8pm or 8pm to 8am..

59 companies to choose from but I really don’t know what I want..
Someone help me please.. =(

Stress meter is hitting the max soon.. Need to calm down a little..

2008-01-18T13:15:00.000+08:00

“你死了。”
我真的死了。我也不知道为何会这样。

2008-01-18T11:11:00.001+08:00

I am in deep trouble..
Slacked for 3 weeks since school reopened..
Got a beautiful warning letter for not going for only one lesson..
Got a wonderful bill statement for the overdue payments from M1 cos I owed them a few months of bill payments..
Got screwed for 45 min over a no-common-sense act by one of the little jokers..
Arg..
I hate this days..

But on top of that..
I got wonderful days..
Ponning lessons to play pool with my gang of friends..
Calling a lao jiao up to ask him things and he still remembered me and gave me the info I needed..
Clearing up messes that are all around in the unit, making them work as one after so long of having conflicts..

So many things happened this week.. Ups and downs in life.. I shall look forward to conquering the downs and enjoying the ups..
I might not blog that often anymore.. If I don’t update means I got nothing special happening or I am very busy dealing with the downs.. will update when I can.. =)

2008-01-08T22:26:00.000+08:00

Lessons have really been pretty slack recently. Monday IS. Some confusion led to the whole class reaching the classroom, sitting there for an hour without any teacher.
Well, I reached school at 7am to do up the presentation slides but there wasn’t any presentation.
The day before which was a Sunday, met up with hong sheng and dan to do our experiment. Cutting queue. Didn’t get whacked though. Haha. Hong sheng was the culprit doing the cutting of queue and I assured him to just go and cut a guy’s queue though he was shorter by a bit. Just go cut la, he touch you I will come and whack him le. Haha.

Mosquitoes many many, water many many. The quality of English coming from bangala workers are improving but still as bad.

Every time I see my math lecturer, she has no creativity in her speech lor. Everytime without fail she will say “eh you passed botherline leh, very risky.” For the don’t know how many times I have heard this from her.
My reply will always be “never mind la I passed leh.”
Then today she gave back my paper and she said the same old thing. And I replied her the same old thing.
Then she looked at the paper and said “you got 50 is cos I gave you an extra mark to pass”
Okay, I lan diao.

Love is not one plus one equals two. Well said. Got it from a tv drama. =)

Tomorrow’s lesson is gonna be so bored. 8-10. And I can go home already. Good in a way. =)

Raw eggs are making me feel so wanna vomit every moment. Someone told me it is like mucus. Thanks.
And it is mucus not mucleus. Haha. =P

Is it you? =(

2008-01-06T23:49:00.000+08:00

I got to admit that I am sad and very sad. What can I say anymore?
我真的彻底的失望与伤心

You were the one who were guiding me and were my example when I first started.
I see you rise up to higher roles, and I am happy for you.
When you were down, I accompany you, drink with you, talk to you heart to heart.
When you are happy, we can play and laugh till all hell break loose.
When you needed me, I was there for you.
The question now is
HAVE I CHANGED OR IS IT YOU?
I don’t wanna talk about it further, it is me I presume since you said that I weren’t like that in the past.
I AM SORRY.
But whatever you did really made me think and I cant help it.
我们就到此吧
Take care my friend.
I will keep those happy times in my memories.
Thanks for everything. =)

Have I really changed for the worse?
I really need some time to do some serious self-reflection.

2008-01-05T10:59:00.000+08:00

Bonjour!

Went back to Queensway yesterday afternoon to have a look. Alright, was received quite alright-ly. Saw MR Ismail and he waved and smiled at me, then came MS Kaur and she was quite shocked and she said to me: “it is like seeing a dinosaur”. Oh well, it has been countless months I haven’t been back there. Haha.
Then took the lift to level 3 and walked down the aisle and 15m away, I was greeted. Not bad huh guys, your eye power improved! Can spot danger coming from 15m already, your vision range used to be 0.23423m only. Hahaha.
Then came my gang of staff sgts asking me why I came back and stuff. I came back for training la duh!
Actually not, I came cos I am meeting SQ after training for a round of char kway teow which we really missed. Hahahahahhaa. =p
What have I got to say about the unit now? One word, HOPELESS. With only a slacker ah neh as the CO of the unit and an inexperienced new young teacher that just passed out of OCC last dec, all I can say is
Stop wasting your time guys. And to the girls unit, thanks for all the memories you girls gave me, but you should also know your condition now, please do consider the alternative option.
Anyways, do I look like a monster? I didn’t know I can make a bunch of 70 odd monkeys suddenly scared and behave themselves. Maybe I should change to look more like an angel, with a devil heart laughing when I see them die. Muhahahahahahahahhahahahha.
Had a gentle poking of backside session with some of them, I will poke harder and inner when I am back in uniform.
*which is impossible! Hahahahahaha*

Went to queue with SQ for food for almost an hour. I should ask him to be my shi fu and teach me how to fry it, and I can buy my mazda maybe after a year.

Char kway teow yesterday, nasi brani today. sinful food! =(

SQ said that my jokes downgraded already. I don’t have the ability to make people laugh anymore. Oh well, true. Whenever I say things recently I get stares instead. So scary. I should shut up. =(

Dear MR JACKSON ANG, when are we going out to chill? You got bike leh, can come find me lor! Anyway you wont be reading this. Haha.

Results. Drew 3-3. I thought I would be trashed 5-1. Good good. I mean, bad bad. Hahaha.

To all the busy people out there, I am damn eng can? Can someone ask me out? Haha.

I simply love this! I am definitely going to save up for it! But with my bills chalking up and getting me really stressed over money matters, I got to wait for a long long time before I can own my own ZEN. =(

2008-01-02T18:13:00.000+08:00

Hope you guys had a good start at school today.

I was earlier than the lecturer for wed lesson for the first time. Actually it was cos she was late la. Haha.
At 8.06am, I looked at my classmate and told them I will go off if she isn’t here at 8.15am. But she came at 8.09am. =(
if only she came 6 mins later. Got into the classroom and the first thing was a stack of exam answer booklets put on a desk at the first row.
In order to keep my marks as discreet as possible, I went out to find mine first. As expected…………. Ask only if you care please…

Then came biopro.
The comment I got from my lecturer was
“please write something next time, if not how am I supposed to give you marks for a blank paper?”
Sorry dr.tan. He is a really nice guy but….
I am not the study type.

This new year is really new to me.
Good start with some small unpleasant things but i am okay. =)

看着你笑我也笑, 别自寻烦恼
I am trying.. =)

说穿了不是什么大事情
说穿了不过自己去看电影
说穿了只是睡醒看不到你
你放心离去
我不要紧
为什么莫名有种矛盾的情绪
给了你祝福又盼望你回心转意
他给的幸福你从笑容就能说明
我还凭什么关心
怎么你不抗拒

感情没有防盗锁
爱走不到尽头
不后悔付出过
各自回家的路试着不再难过
变得成熟
是我能安慰自己唯一的收获
就离开我
别回过头
不要用从前看以后
我猜是我的错爱
怎么被偷走
那只是个感受
如果离开是爱你最后的承诺
多年以后
偶尔记得那疯狂不成熟的我
不说穿了
不要结果

为什么莫名有种矛盾的情绪
给了你祝福又盼望你回心转意
他给的幸福你从笑容就能说明
我还凭什么关心
怎么你不抗拒

感情没有防盗锁
爱走不到尽头
不后悔付出过
各自回家的路试着不再难过
变得成熟
是我能安慰自己唯一的收获
就离开我
别回过头
不要用从前看以后
我猜是我的错
爱怎么被偷走
那只是个感受
如果离开是爱你最后的承诺
多年以后
偶尔记得那疯狂不成熟的我
不说穿了
不要结果
不伪装了
我的难过

2008-01-01T22:19:00.000+08:00

Shalom.
Hope you guys had a good start for the new year. I had a pretty good start. =)

School term is starting over again after the short 2 weeks festive season, guess most of you guys had a wonderful time.
These festive season celebrations really can make things more visible whether or not you are worth anything to others. I found the value of me to others. =)
aint gonna go on…

Thoughts ran through my mind these 2 days and yep… =)

Back to school guys! 加油!

Love a few songs from 罗志祥:

做得到
不管相爱总会有一些低潮
我爱你就应该对你越来越好
现在只想忽然把你抱得高高
看着你笑我也笑
别自寻烦恼
做得到
你说再苦也要跟我直到老
我说的每一个承诺会说到做到
感谢你坚强勇敢让我很骄傲
你所想要的爱
我能做得到

感情没有防盗锁
爱走不到尽头
不后悔付出过
各自回家的路试着不再难过
变得成熟
是我能安慰自己唯一的收获
就离开我
别回过头
不要用从前看以后
我猜是我的错
爱怎么被偷走
那只是个感受
如果离开是爱你最后的承诺
多年以后
偶尔记得那疯狂不成熟的我
不说穿了
不要结果

2008-01-01T12:04:00.000+08:00

It’s a brand new year! 2007 has past and 2008 is the present.

2007 has been a colorful year for me. Much has happened in that short span of 365 days. It has really been a very tough year for me in 2007 considering most of the things that happened to me are unhappy things rather than happy ones. BUT, someone told me that my life is very colorful and meaningful cos it is full of events, though those that happened are unhappy ones. I lived a life that is much more eventful and happening that the others that lived theirs with nothing much happening in their lives. Years down the road, when I look back at my life, I will be glad that I had so many experiences. Yeah, thanks bro. I shall use that perspective to see my eventful life. =) the countless tears of pain and also joy I had in 2007 will be kept in my memory to my last breath.

May 2008 be a better year for all my loved ones. My life will be happy when yours is. GOD, please exchange that little bit of happiness in my life for theirs. =)

HAPPY 2008 PEEPS!!

Somehow I know what has happened, but I will just stay ignorant.

2007-12-27T00:53:00.000+08:00

Dear santa,

all I wish for xmas this year is for everyone around me to be happy. Seeing them smile, I will be happy.

Scallop, cheer up k? Things will get better. =)

看着你笑我也笑, 别自寻烦恼

PS: this is NOT an emo post and I am fine. =)

2007-12-23T20:53:00.000+08:00

I am seriously warning those who are reading that this entry might have emo content and you should not read if you are sick of my emo posts. Thanks a lot.

Everyday is so unpredictable nowadays. Weather, people, unpredictable situations.
Met lynn at east coast park coincidentally today when I was there with my friends. Yeah, we both stay very far from each other and on a Sunday afternoon, I saw her there. Really so coincidental. Imagine the whole stretch along east coast park and at east coast park, a place so far and inconvenient to the both of us. We actually met.
She was having her extreme challenge event and I was there with my friends. Accompanied her throughout the afternoon there though it wasn’t very long. I was totally shocked to see her there. Was walking towards the place whereby my friends were and suddenly I heard a female voice calling my name. I was shocked cos I don’t have much girl friends and at east coast? Then I turned and saw a “burnt” her. Red from head to toe. Practically like a cooked lobster. Anyways, sat there talking to her and I stole her bike for a ride.
Of all times, it rained when I was so so far away and I had to lower my head to see the cycling pathway cos my specs was totally covered with the rain. And yeah, my shorts and singlet was drenched.

Had a long long ride home from east coast and initially, I was sleeping. Couldn’t sleep anymore or rather no more sleeping feel so I just stayed awake and I don’t know why, I suddenly started emo-ing. Hais. I really didn’t mean to and it couldn’t be controlled. Emo-ed till I reached home, bathe, and now blogging in an emo mood.
Just felt that loneliness and had that outcast feeling.
Listened to emo slow songs from 罗志祥 and some parts of the song really says out what I am feeling.

I hereby wanna apologise about this emo post. Will try to get things back in place asap.

2007-12-20T14:22:00.000+08:00

Bojour.

Had 3 great days with great pool of friends.
Monday met up with miss mel at town. Had a great shopping and chatting time with her and I really found out that actually there is a lot of things I don’t know about her. You la, didn’t tell me things de. Haha. Finally after 2 years of not meeting, we met up! Haha. Meet up more often okays? And the rest also! You know who I am referring to. Haha.

Tues was a day with miss Eunice low. Went for a movie and lunch at marche. Dinner at mount faber and chilled a bit before we went off. Hope you had a great day!

Wed to thurs morning. Went to have dinner with a wonderful group of pals at fish and co. in celebration of eunice’s birthday. Was pretty angry for an hour there. Just reached the place, sat down for a few mins and WALA! The staff dropped the chilli sauce (those watery chicken rice kind) saucecup on the floor and there was a display of fireworks, the chilli style. Wasn’t too bothered till I felt that my polo tee was wet and half my boxers was also wet. Was pissed for an hour over that but was okay after some time.

Missed the K session but it's okay.

婷 said she wants to go k lunch today but I didn't even asked her if she can cos I know she can't wake up for sure! Haha. =p she is still in her dreamland finding eeyore now.

A reader of mine told me that my entries are read regularly but my posts are too wordy for her/him/her/it(okays the last one is just kidding). Noted and therefore this post is short. =) just for you leh, must feel honored hor.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISS EUNICE LOW LIWEN! MAY YOU HAVE A BETTER YEAR AHEAD! =)

2007-12-15T00:35:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday bro!
Though I know you don’t read my blog. Haha.
23 le wor!! So fast.
Time flies.

I shall not blog about common test here; people who are wants to know and are concerned would have already known by now how I did.

Holidays! 2 weeks and 2 days! Went out after my papers with 4 other guys. Ate carls junior which ben was damn pek chek when he spent $14 on his meal. He went to the counter and asked for a chicken burger (don’t know the exact name) combo. The guy asked him if he wants 2 or 3 patty. 2 was the answer he gave. Then he wanted to change the fries to criss cut fries. $14 it was. Came back to the table and we asked him why he needed to upsize it when the drinks is free flow. He suddenly thought of it and was also thinking why he did that. Then he suddenly recalled that they didn’t ask if he wanted to upsize and they upsized it automatically. Never mind. Eat the burger and he was damn pek chek also cos the sauce in the burger is f***ing a lot (exact words from him) till like macham lubricant like that cant even hold the chicken in place. Then he scooped aside the sauce till he could grip the chicken patty with the bread but by then, the sauce is already all gone. Haha. Then the chicken was tasteless, just meat without taste. Haha. So the pek chek him was so pek chek that he took more than 6 pieces of tissue when he only needed 1, leaving the rest on the tray with some pepper that he sprinkled on it. Then we decided to make his loss to the minimum, but when we were about to put the whole metal tissue box into a bag, we found out that the security camera is just above us. Hahahahaha.
It will be the last time ben is going to eat carls junior.

I hate it when people don’t get their facts right and go like a mad person shouting around. Was on the bus to MSQ and the bus was packed. We were standing at the end of the bus but the people in front still shouted and asked us to move to the back. Obviously, replies coming from 5 guys would be “NB la, at the end already how to move somemore?!”
Please don’t start shouting like mad dogs when you don’t know what is happening.

Wanted to go K with mr.kes but didn’t make it in the end. Didn’t really have the mood after my papers. Will K with him and my class soon. Must jio me okays!?

I swear lor, I wanna go and take license when I have the money! Driving seems fun!
Kel was driving dan’s car to the lecture theatre today just before our paper and he was quite scared at first but started well. When he was making his bend halfway through the journey, I went “eh kel, zai liao hor! Not bad huh! But you didn’t fasten your seat belt hor!” I swear he totally freaked out when he heard that. Hahahahha.
Indeed he didn’t fasten it. And he is driving without license.

这首为你点播的歌
如果我先哭了
怎么唱到最后
是的感情不是K歌
音阶一字不漏
不见得感动
我也懂拿麦的手不能颤抖
曾握着就能感受你比我难过
谁写的歌词那么适合放手
我怎能舍不得

我努力唱完主歌
我忘了走音没有
我到底哭什么
哭什么明明搞笑的
我努力唱好朋友
我忘了是谁哭了
就算你不记得
这首歌唱完的是我

这首为你点播的歌
如果我先哭了
怎么唱到最后
是的感情不是K歌
音阶一字不漏
不见得感动
我也懂拿麦的手不能颤抖
曾握着就能感受你比我难过
谁写的歌词那么适合放手
我怎能舍不得

我努力唱完主歌
我忘了走音没有
我到底哭什么
哭什么明明搞笑的
我努力唱好朋友
我忘了是谁哭了
就算你不记得
这首歌唱完的是我

我努力唱完这歌
我忘了破音没有
你心里触动的
下一首已经不是我
我努力唱到嘶吼
我不怕剩我一个
只要你能记得这首歌给
我最爱的

My current addiction..
Beautiful song..

I swear I am damn lame nowadays. 20 min before my paper, I started to feel the high-ness and went like a lame shit. Haha.
Looked at the dustbin with the NP letters printed on it and I asked why got NP on it. Some say cos it was ngee ann’s property so NP was printed.
My answer to them was that the dustbin is trying to tell us that there is No Problem in throwing rubbish into it.

Then I looked at my friend and told him not to wash his tee shirt too often and everyone was blanked, not know what I am talking about.
My answer was cos his tee shirt has the word cactus and cactus doesn’t need so much water to live.

Then I asked them why it wasn’t raining anymore.
My answer was cos there was a Nissan SUNNY parked just beside us.

Then I asked what dan’s tee shirt like to eat.
My answer was MEE POK cos his tee shirt was of the REEBOK brand.

I swear lor! I am getting shitty lame and irrelevant. Please stop my craziness. Muhahahahahahhahaha. Someone please call institute of mental health to register me in.

The 4 guys are going to Malaysia for a short trip. Should I go? But I need to borrow cash for it. Haha. But I can use it as a breather and a break before I continue with my life. =)

2007-12-09T19:48:00.000+08:00

Did TPFF tutorials twice through. One more round to go tonight and one round tomorrow in preparation of my paper tomorrow. You might be thinking I am crazy doing so many times but I am not as crazy la. Those I really don’t know how to do ones I didn’t do la. Hahahaha. Lazy to go and figure out then don’t do. Those simple ones then do lor. Hahahaha.

Math, RENG, BIOPRO, EMAT, OHS all haven’t touched! Got so so so so much to go after TPFF. =( and I swear lor, those subs I didn’t touch since the term starts till now so I got a HUGE hill to climb. RENG tutorials all didn’t go and didn’t listen to lecture and had to borrow other’s notes last Friday to copy all the blanks. BIOPRO, have been having casino matches during lecture and tutorial time is a time where I will smile widely at Dr. Tan when he ask me “so how, spencer, know how to do not?” and tell him “yah, I am trying. Haven’t got the answer yet though.” And where do I get all the answers from? From him of cos! Cos he will discuss it after the time pass before we are released from lessons. EMAT, oh my! What is all that about? I only know that during those lessons, I will be looking around seeing people talk among themselves and I also forgot what I was doing half the time during those lessons. OHS, all my tutorials are done by my kind, understanding friends, mr. kes and mr. Terence. I haven’t even typed a single word for tutorials till now. Presentation slides was also done by mr. kes from the cover page to the end. Math, haha. This I got to say I am a super lucky guy to pass both class tests. Beats me how I passed them. Hahaha.

I got to start studying soon! Now!

2007-12-09T10:35:00.000+08:00

29 more hours to my first paper to kick start my common test week. I got to admit that the stress meter in my head is still at 1/5. Have been doing nothing much these few days and I got to kick that habit! Haha.

Oh ya, just to comment on lecturers in my course, almost all of my lecturers have the habit of setting last minute papers. They will set the paper the day before the test day and one that I met this semester and one last semester only set papers on the day itself! Fantastic huh! I don’t know is it a psychological method used to prevent students from asking what kind of questions they will set, but that 2 that I talked about looks real about setting the paper only hours before the test. Should I say that they are lazy or li hai?

Common test! Get it over soon! The joyous season of the year is coming, xmas and followed by new year. Friends, get your papers done and enjoy your holidays! =)

Happened to see one of my friend's personal message on my msn contact list saying : don't let someone become a priority in your life, as you might just be an option of theirs. Nice saying to ponder upon. =)

ALL THE BEST TO ALL MY LOVED ONES FOR YOUR COMMON TEST! MAY YOU DO WELL FOR YOUR PAPERS! 加油 OH! =)

2007-12-08T14:05:00.000+08:00

April 2007 Common Test
Question 2(b)
Use Simpson’s Rule with n=6 to estimate the integral, correct to 3 decimal places.

My answer:
Spider.pig spider.pig, does whatever spider.pig does.
I deserve full marks. Look, spider.pig. Spider is the whole number and pig is the 3 decimal places.

2007-12-08T13:52:00.000+08:00

Oh ya, just remembered, please give your get well wishes to the year 2 guy who was knocked down by a car at the road just beside my school’s block. It is indeed a dangerous road; I was almost knocked down by my course manager last semester. Mr. claus, please get him well soon though I don’t know who is the guy. =)

2007-12-08T12:22:00.001+08:00

Finished 2 chapters out of 3 for TPFF. Going to continue on torturous math as a break for TPFF. I haven’t touched RENG, BIOPRO, EMAT and OHS AT ALL! All these papers, I think I might not be able to make it through but I will still try nevertheless. =)

I have so many wishes now. Wish that Eunice will recover as soon as possible and her papers will go smoothly, wish ting will have more than enough time to prepare for her papers and sleep well cos she don’t sleep much recently, wish that I will also have enough time, wish that exams will be over soon, wish to go back to hooked to work though it will be my last 2 weeks working there before I have a hectic year 3 ahead, wish for Christmas and new year to come soon but don’t know if it would be a good one this year, wish my parents stop asking to go on holidays with them cos I really don’t feel like, wish that my arm will recover and light up my life with an ambition again, wish that I will be a better person soon. So many wishes, hope mr.claus will let them all happen this xmas.

Alright, that’s all for the moment, will blog if there are more things to blog about later. Chaos =)

2007-12-07T19:14:00.000+08:00

I’m freed, at last!

Common test in 2 days time and the stress meter stuffed into my head now is quite high but not as high as it should be considering how much I am lacking behind. Nevertheless, I still mugged, a bit la. Haha. Had the pleasure of mugging with property of mine that I have 50% share, miss cindy and baozhi. Really long since I saw them. As usual, the topic of cartel come out when more than 2 cartel people meet. I am so sorry property, for happily chatting and left you out. In anyway, I managed to get her to study! I swear lor, I feel so inferior when I mug with muggers, she wrote more than 4 pages of notes on my pink paper that I gave her when I only did less than 4 questions! I promise I will work harder. Hahahaha. Anyways, ALL THE BEST property and baozhi for your papers tomorrow! You can do it de! Baozhi, please sleep for goodness sake, don’t want you to fall asleep during your papers tomorrow! And property, don’t sleep so much please! If we were to mug again, I will surely knock your head with my favorite pencil like what I did today! Hahahahahaha. =p

Common test! I am going to say this again, if you fail to prepare, prepare to fail. I am starting to prepare though I am prepared to fail. Hahahaha.

Had CPTP briefing today. Time flies. Going for attachment next semester le, not confirmed though. Please give me an answer soon, lecturers! CPTP, it falls on my 21st birthday! Why why why? I wanna do things that I haven’t done before on my next birthday, though I cannot think of what I haven’t done thus far. Haha. But it still clashes with my birthday! CPTP, got to buy a coverall, haven’t wore that before and I wrote XL for my size, hope it is not too big for me, I don’t wanna be wearing like 50cent going around “yo yo whatssup man”-ing around. Haha. Climb 35metres high reactor? Will I drop and die? Haha. Maybe I can airborne down if I get my badge next year. Haha. Anyway, it falls on my birthday! Hahahaha. And I don’t have anymore holidays in my ngee ann life (unless I fail more modules) till I graduate. Time flies, one life, live it! I wished my GPA was better; I really wanna get out of this place for a new environment in overseas attachment. Kel, des, yiqian, please take good care of yourselves in Taiwan. Yiqian, don’t miss my kiss k? You still can have it when you are back. 我等着你回来. hahahaha. =p

Anyway, if you have been reading to my entry to this very sentence, PLEASE BE REMINDED THAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING! Haha.

Just open your door, for a better tomorrow, play your own live like a movie star~

Goodbye my love, back to my books.

2007-12-04T00:08:00.000+08:00

Am I being over-sensitive recently or whatever, but I feel that people have been giving me that look these days. Everywhere I go, people will look at me and give me that look as if I am some alien from mars, is it cos I ate too much mars chocolate bars? Stop being lame la! But I swear, people keep looking at me! Am I that ugly that people are thinking which universe had no more tolerance and decided to throw me to earth or something?

Back is aching! Poor little back had a rest but had to work again today. Yeah had a better body today. No more cold wet numbed hands, but my hands are still too weak to work out comfortably with my new weights. As promised, I stopped when my ligament almost got injured again. Was on the bus today and suddenly my right arm was having this sharp pain and felt like my ligament was injured. I really don’t know what to do now, from left hand injured now right hand also got problems. Anyway, I can perform the crack crack show on my left arm, just kindly ask for a demo and I can crack my arm for you. Notice to all, please do NOT try this at home, parental guidance needed. Oh and I just tried to crack my back this few days, and it is starting to work better than before. Hahahahahaha.

2007-12-02T21:15:00.000+08:00

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me today. Since I woke up till now, right this moment, my hands and foots are very cold and wet and numbed. My hands have never been dried since morning. On the other hand, the rest of my body is hot and perspiring too. I really hope I will get well soon, but the main thing is that I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. Hais. =( And the lazy me is using this as an excuse not to work out. Lazy me again.

Collecting my phone tomorrow after noon, will I see counter 3 receptionist again? Haha. I say again, I HAVE NOT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST INTEREST IN HER! I am happy with having who I have around me. =) please please give me back my phone as it was before.

2007-12-01T17:35:00.000+08:00

Feeling so weak today. Felt like all the energy was sucked out of me even before working out. True enough, I was really weak today. Only managed to complete 5 sets with only an average of 5 reps each whereas on a any other day I could do 15 sets of an average of 7 reps plus at least 150 pushups. What’s wrong with me today? Was thinking today do an intense workout and tomorrow can be my rest day after 13 days of consecutive working out days. Looks like tomorrow is not going to be a rest day for me anymore. And the weirdest thing that happened is that right from the start of warming up to start of weights to end of weights, I didn’t have any perspiration on any part of me at all. My gloves are abnormally dry today; body is totally dry from head to toe as if all the water in my body has just been evaporated off me. Weird weird day. I cannot think of any explanation for my weird body today. NO REST DAY FOR YOU LITTLE MUSCLES, BLAME IT ON YOUR LAZINESS TODAY!

Just got my phone sent for repair this morning. Went with Eunice as she wants to run away from her noisy-to-be home. Haha. As I was sitting there waiting for my turn, I happened to glance pass and saw one of the counter receptionist. After a moment, Eunice turned to me and told me “wah, that salesgirl damn pretty!” (I also don’t know she called her a salesgirl when she was a receptionist). I glanced pass all the counters and saw the receptionist that served me the other time I went for repair, a malay lady probably in her 50s but she was damn friendly. I decided to call her “mama Fatimah” cos she was practically the oldest there and I think she would easily be 20 to 30 years older than any of the staff there and as she was a malay and I feel that Fatimah is a pretty easy to remember and called name, so yah, mama Fatimah. Haha. When it was at queue number 22 (mine was 23), mama fatimah was clearing her customer already and I told eunice that hopefully I can get counter 3 and it took her 10sec to know what I was talking about and she gave me that stare, that pretty counter receptionist was at counter 3. Haha. Anyway, yah I don’t deny that she is very pretty but I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER IN HER! Just find her pretty only, I swear. Anyway, please please please get my phone back to its original condition, it means everything to me. =(

BE BACK SOON.

2007-11-30T22:56:00.001+08:00

My back is starting to ache. Maybe I should slow down in increasing my weights. =( recently, working out doesn’t seem to have any visible effect. Anyway I just bought additional 5kg of weights yesterday to add on so I am adding on to my initial 7 plus kg that I am stuck at. I realize I really cannot make decisions now. I was there looking and thinking if I should buy 2 plates of 5kg or 2 plates of 2.5kg considering that my bar is left with one weight plate space. Finally decided to go for 2 plates of 2.5kg. Adding on to my 7 plus kg it would be 12kg plus and it should be able to last me till some time later. I wanna get bigger, and bigger and then bigger than bigger, but it is hard cos I am on 0 types of supplements! No whey protein, no mass gainer, no energy gel, no energy bar, no red bulls, no isotonic drinks, just plain water and food! So got to work even harder for a bigger body. =( then again, my back aches!

My phone’s camera spoilt. =( I shall not elaborate any further, not in the mood.

2007-11-29T12:15:00.000+08:00

Bet you can’t see the tears that I am dripping right now, let alone the shattered heart that you broke. Let the past be passed, thanks for the good times.

2007-11-27T21:08:00.001+08:00

I just made found a new passion today that I will give myself 10 years to accomplish. To almost everyone, this is going to be an impossible task that can never be accomplished but I will try my best nevertheless. We shall see, by 25th September 2017. Saw the NP track team has a saying at the back of their jersey that reads “passion beats talent”. Yes I am going all out for my passion, I hope I will not have to face any more setbacks that will hinder my progress or dash my last hopes again. I shall start intensively on my training starting tomorrow to meet my target, AT ALL COST; YES, I AM WILLING TO SACRIFICE EVEN MY LIFE. For those that still care for me, thanks for being there for me till now, hope you people will pull me up when I fall along the way. I shall not disclose what I am heading towards but if 10 years down I still remember this blog, I will tell you guys if I did it or not. Wish me luck. God, please see me through.

Common test is just 1 week away and I haven’t started on anything. I seriously need to start and start at a duper high gear, hope it will not backfire. I really feel real tired at the end of the day when I TRY to do some reading up and catching up. Hais. As I am typing this entry, my eyes are blur and I need to keep shaking my head to keep it clear, which only lasts for a short 3secs before it starts blurring again. =(

2007-11-26T20:36:00.000+08:00

I really need some time to get back to my normal self. I don’t know why but none of the victims of the dragonboat accident was related to me but whenever I hear news or read about them, I can feel the deep cut in my heart. The only reasoning I can come up with is that I am deeply hurt when they lost their lives for their passion. From the bottom of my heart, I truly respect and salute the 5 of you; you guys are the heroes of the sports industry and you will be remembered forever for what you sacrificed. My condolences to the family members and friends of the causalities, but remember this, they sacrificed their lives for a good cause, and they hold the honor and glory of the country. They lived their lives meaningfully to the last moments.

Math test is up tomorrow and as usual, I am not prepared for it. I know nuts about what is going to be tested tomorrow and I really need help; oh well, as usual, last minute work. Hais. Few more days to common test; I need to get my emotions and thoughts in the right place now before it’s too late.

2007-11-26T14:01:00.001+08:00

Rest in peace dudes. You are Singapore’s glory and you will never be forgotten by us.

I can’t help but tear when I read the papers this morning; yes, all 5 of them are found. Actually, before this morning, I was still hoping that they will be alright, just that maybe they are not officially found. When I read about them being found, I was still reading thoroughly to see what happened to them but when I saw the word “bodies” being repeated so many times, I started to tear. The youngest is of the same age as me. Few days back when I read about the incident, I literally looked up and told god to bring them back and he can have me as an exchange. Though I am not related to any of them, it still saddens me. Meaningful lives of theirs being lost while meaningless life that I am having is still being sustained right here. Sometimes I just can’t help it but question god what he is doing. God, please make wiser decisions from now on.

2007-11-20T21:18:00.000+08:00

Have been really down recently. It didn’t help much that I have so timid to even do the world a favor. Now, the world has to continue suffering.

Have been thinking a lot, too much to be exact. Thinking of such things won’t help solve the problems, but I just can’t stop thinking about it. Why do I have to make so many mistakes in life? Why do I always have to let people around me suffer? I really don’t know if I should go ahead with what is going on. But so many things have to be taken into consideration, and I don’t see it becoming a reality in any way.

Effort put in doesn’t equals results. Have been working out quite a bit these weeks, though it was pretty inconsistent, but I don’t see any results. People always ask me to be patient cos the results are not so soon. How long more must I wait? I started out with a pretty bad body to start with already, still must wait so long. Does effort really equals to results? Same things applies to life and things around me.

2007-11-17T20:06:00.000+08:00

I am super pissed! Firstly three weeks ago we had a task at hand for IS, and when they needed a group leader, everyone didn’t want to be and arrowed me. Okay never mind, just take it anyway it’s only an IS module and not some core modules which I can’t cope. Took up the post, did up the contact list within that night and sent it to everyone but I bet till now no one added each other. Never mind again. Presentation is on Monday and we haven’t done anything. Sms-ed everyone this morning and waited for some time before one by one replied, I bet they wont take so long to reply if it was their bf or gf. Never mind, got reply better than none. Then all said they cant make it for discussion tonight. And some even said we can meet 11am on Monday to do it when our presentation is at 1pm! Then all busy with their work and going out and what ever they have and they said it was only IS what don’t need to bother. Look man! I know this is only an elective and you can afford to not do well for it but I cant! It is freaking 2 credits and though it is the lowest credited module but it means a whole lot to my GPA can? Whether I get a one point something or two point something depends a lot on it can? You think I don’t have my work to be done? You have your homework, I have mine too can? If you guys don’t think it is important then why not we don’t do it and fail it and retake it? Have pride in everything you do can, even if it is not the most significant module. If you are a GPA 4.0 person and your IS you don’t mind getting a D and your GPA will no longer be 4.0 but 3 point something then I got nothing to say la. I really don’t understand why the education system has to change till the new generation of TEENagers is getting smarter but they don’t know how to be a proper human being. Oh well, I am out of my teenage days man, and I am glad about it. Grow up you little kids! PISSED!

So many things happened recently till I can’t catch up with what is happening. I really don’t know what to do and how to handle things anymore. I really missed those days when I was in camo uniform and I know everything and I am proud of what I have achieved. Now? All my dreams and hopes and career are gone. All of those just shattered. Seriously, I have no idea where I am heading to in future and I no longer have any aspirations and dreams. I guess that was when I started to have no directions in life. On the other hand, I might go into FnB in future as there is the place when I can excel too. Then again, will I be able to? I failed to perform in any stations other than serving. Hais.

Hope things will take a turn and change for the better. Please do.

2007-11-12T23:15:00.001+08:00

Have been picking up lots of theories of life recently, maybe its cause I am in one of the worse times I can be in my life that’s why I am learning so many things about life.

Commitments. What’s the point if things are going on just for the sake of commitment? No one can force commitments on others, and there is absolutely no meaning in tying someone down just for the commitment.

Intimacy. Well, it’s not the exact same definition as what people generally think it is. Yeah, I do enjoy talking to people and getting close in conversations, but I guess its not the same the other way round.

Passion. This is really shocking when I first heard it. I have none of this. Anyway, the interpretation is different from what you get from the dictionary.

2007-11-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

My body really doesn’t like me lor, I swear! I have been working out pretty hard recently but the effect is unnoticeable but my body is really aching like no tomorrow. Routine of at least 3 sets of 3 exercises are done before a 150 pushups (not continuous la, I not that fit), but it doesn’t seem to work. Well, my idol is still the same person and I only aim to get probably one-fifth of his body is good enough, anyway for your info, his biceps and triceps adds up to the size of my thigh. I showed scallop his picture and he was disgusted, following that, my cell phone hanged and he said it was cos that guy was too disgusting. Haha.

Previously, I tried to use the method of emptying my mind to get rid of all my problems but it didn’t work. Now I am really glad that it didn’t work; it is really scary! I might have gone crazy if it worked. I used to have times where my mind will blank out all of the sudden and my mind totally turns into darkness. When I regain conscious, I looked at the surroundings and my hands and start thinking who I am and why am I here and in this form as a human. This will go on for around 5 mins before I regain my normal state of mind and it really will give a chill down my spine. During that short period of time, I will think of why am I a human, and if humans really exist, why out of nowhere in the darkness, there are humans, why I can see myself, what are those things around me etc. After regaining conscious, I will be there staring into space thinking what happened and it takes a while before I go back to my normal self. Scary!

Sorry guys if I am not myself lately. I am in kind of a mess in my life and my mind now. Sorry for the inconvenience caused. I will be “back” soon, renewed.

一起长大的约定　那样清晰
打过勾的我相信

2007-11-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

What another day. Had my math test today, I had no regrets as I failed to prepare. There is a saying that is really nice and it’s so true, it goes “if you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail”. So true right? Well, I failed to prepare so I am prepared to fail. This period of time is so critical, I hope at the end of the day, I can say to myself “well done, you have done it!”.

My ears just can’t leave Jay’s song for any moment, yet another obsession. Haha. I love listening to songs and I will pick those sentences out to remember and I only remember that sentence of the song. That’s why I cannot get lyrics into my mind. Those lines that I remember really says out what I feel and what is going on in my life or in some way it is linked to me.

Same old routine, school and work out at home, but I don’t see any effect of working out except my body ache worsen by day. Nothing special.

Ju said I didn’t blog about HOOKED, and my response to her is that there is nothing to blog about. The full-timers there are really sweet and they really treat me damn nice! I really miss them. One fine day I said I missed eating coffee club’s garlic prawn and they did it for me, on another day I told them it was my last day before I go back to school and I suddenly feel like eating cereal prawns and it was really done. They are really nice people! But the part-timers there are not that nice though. Probably the place is too small and there is nothing we can do that makes us know each other better or have any space to play around. As usual, memories of cartel come flowing back, those were the days when we would play at the bar cum cashier counters. But those are just memories, they can never come back to live ever again. Till now, I would admit that my heart is still saddened when I think of the times we had back there, I wonder if anyone still remembers and miss those times. Just some thoughts, IF (I know it is totally impossible) CL cartel were to reopen, will you guys leave your outlets and come back? I can’t help but doubt. Maybe that’s why in the first place I was out casted. Guess there is nothing I can do but to treasure what I have now and let those memories be memories, anyway no one fcuking cares right?

Anyway, HOOKED was featured in the army’s PIONEER magazine October 2007 edition. Cheers!

你想要的
我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的

2007-11-07T23:07:00.000+08:00

小学篱芭旁的蒲公英
是记忆里有味道的风景
午睡操场传来蝉的声音
多少年后也还是很好听
将愿望折纸飞机寄成信
因为我们等不到那流星
认真投决定命运的硬币
却不知道到底能去哪里

一起长大的约定
那样清晰　打过勾的我相信
说好要一起旅行　是你如今
唯一坚持的任性

在走廊上罚站打手心
我们却注意窗边的蜻蜓
我去到哪里你都跟很紧
很多的梦在等待着进行

这街上太拥挤
太多人有秘密
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪　在还原那场雨
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里
这日子不再绿　又斑驳了几句
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅　隔遥远的距离
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋
还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你　你却微笑的离我而去这感觉

已经不对　我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微在妥协
是我忽略
你不过要人陪这感觉已经不对
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美
我不配

This is going to be yet another emo post so you can choose to stop here if you don’t want your mood to be affected or if you cant be bothered. Yet again, I don’t know what to blog about. Anyway, Jay’s songs are nice to me. Couple of songs really can make me emo and some has meanings of what I am feeling or are in. I really don’t know when things will start to change for me but it doesn’t seem any soon. I really don’t understand why bad things have to come all at a go, while good things just don’t seem to be found in my dictionary. Recently have been thinking if I am being myself or am I just trying to be someone that people want me to be. I have been faking smiles when I am actually tearing real deep inside. I wonder what value to I have in this world, what value do I have in people’s life. Apparently, I think I am insignificant to anyone. Just read a mail which differentiates a simple friend and a real friend, some things said are true.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself and doesn't feel even the least bit weird shutting your 'beer/Pepsi drawer' with her/his foot!

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend shoulder is soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after they've gone to bed.A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it!

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend calls you after you had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

Really something to ponder upon. Especially the one in bold. I know I do expect a lot from others but I also played my part, but who appreciates it? Oh well, life still has to go on.
I am back to my torture chamber after running away for 5 days. Raw eggs and more raw eggs. Hate it when the egg yolk burst, whenever I think of it I really almost puke, which includes this very moment. What to do? No money, no nice body, want nice shape, go for cheap dirt stuff. Maybe one day I might eat humans when I am used to anything in the world, so beware.
I must learn to appreciate and treasure those around me now, now that they are still there, one day they might be gone. Please treasure me too, I might be gone anytime, who knows. When I am gone, please rejoice in secret, don’t do it publicly please.

2007-10-26T22:47:00.001+08:00

I swear lor, I really regretted cutting my hair till so short by the side. My intention was to cut it short as it grows pretty fast but I didn’t expect it to be that weird. Oh well, just a brief description of how it looks like now, I left my fringe uncut, but eventually cut it myself cos it was really a little too long for the spiky top, both sides are short like army boy’s hair length, the back’s length is the same, just thin-ed. For the past 2 days, I have been asking people if my hair is weird or beng and most of them said it was weird. Haha. Hoping real hard that someone will know my nan cu. =(

Yet again, when the school term starts, got lots of projects and work to be done, and as usual, they are undone. Haha. Got to start early, oh well, that is what I always say at the start of the term. Haha.

2007-10-24T22:48:00.001+08:00

Yo! I am back! Know that I haven't been blogging for a long long time. Sorry to those who are still viewing my blog to see if i did update, thanks for your concern! =) Actually there is nothing much that happened that I can blog about thats why I have been missing in action these times, or rather nothing happy or joyful news to break or talk about. Oh well, I am an emo kid so what can make me happy right? Will update when I break free of all my emo-ness and problems that I am struggling with yeah? Thanks once again to those who still care. =) Cheers!

2007-09-01T00:18:00.001+08:00

Had a more fun-filled day at the army open house 2007 today. People, go catch it if you haven’t. Many activities there, worth spending the day there.

Had lunch at pizza hut, I am not so rich so I had the student set lunch which is only at $5.95 consisting a bowl of soup, your chose of main course and a drink. Worth it! Haha. Then we are all set for the army open house.

Have been looking around the whole day looking at people’s ranks and their vocations. Haha. And my girlfriend has got lots of idols, apparently every female that is in uniform is her idol. Haha. But my idol is still the last ride of the day where the “tour guide” was a 2LT from the commandoes! Haha. But I am still wondering why he didn’t have a foreign airborne badge. Why I admire him is that he was a real good guide and was really friendly and did his job well, unlike the other tonner’s guide, also from the commandoes but he was slacking away, not explaining things at all. Other than that, he had jungle confidence badge, SAR 21 badge and basic airborne badge, and the thing is that he is the only one that has the built of a commando! Haha. Seriously, nowadays, commandoes don’t look like one. People of my built of smaller than me got into commando, maybe it’s not just about the built, but still the image doesn’t fit the status. Haha. Anyway, went for the Bonix ride and the mission world ride. Was really thrilling and exciting, especially the mission world ride as it was almost night when I went for it and the vehicles were all coming out from nowhere as I couldn’t spot it in the dark. Well, then again, the ride wouldn’t be so nice if it was other guides, hahahahahaha. He has become my idol. =) my girl also is very happy that she did rappelling after dreaming for so long, and she wants to go again tomorrow and one of the must try section would be that.

It’s 1 September, happy teacher’s day to all my teachers! Just moments ago was 31 August, and it brings back memories. Just a year ago, something major happened that I would say was the most important thing that happened in my working life so far. I wouldn’t want to elaborate so much but it is all kept as memories in my life.

Hope my days will be as “happening” as today. =)

2007-08-30T01:32:00.000+08:00

Sorry, net was down for the past days that’s why didn’t have the chance to blog. Anyway, I wanna wish my bestfrend happy birthday once again!

Had a happy party that night, really haven’t had such a good time meeting up with all my old friends for a long time. Though I am no longer working at cartel while all of you are at all different outlets, wanna wish you guys happy working at your outlets, I miss working with all of you. =(

Days of poverty are back! I am so broke now and I am jobless. First long holiday that I am jobless. Usually, straight after my last paper I will chiong down to work but this time round, things are different. Humans always only regret when things are over, I really do miss working with all my beloved. Went down to town yesterday, and when I saw the new shop that has opened, I was totally full of emotions and thoughts. I guess that is what I call sense of belonging. Anyway, life has to go on and I can only bury all the happy memories in my heart.

What can I do for the next few days? So bored. Anyone wanna date me out? =(

2007-08-26T00:24:00.001+08:00

For all those who want to read my blog entries, I shall blog, just for you! =) thanks for being my loyal reader; it really does make a difference.

Firstly, I wanna thank my small group, thanks a lot. I really couldn’t take it and broke down today. Thanks for being there for me and the encouragements from all of you!

Yeah, had a fruitful day today. Went for application of part time job and the world is just so small, no matter where you go you will know someone or your friend’s relative or friend. Anyway, not comfirmed I will get the job and not confirmed where I will be posted to if it really went through. Haha.

The small boy won the campus superstar competition. I really wonder how is he gonna be the “ambassador” for singapore’s singing industry when he is like only 13, maybe haven’t even started his puberty or something. What I meant is that he is too young for it.

Man U must win tomorrow night! Please don’t disappoint me again.